I Don't Love You
by lulu0814
Summary: Does Rhett still love Scarlett? Does Scarlett really love Rhett? Will they forgive each other? With such personalities, who knows? And after all, even Scarlett isn't strong enough to bear everything the world throws at her. Not very fluffy or happy.
1. Chapter 1

**I've had this idea for a while. I've read a certain amount of GWTW fanfiction and no one seemed to have this idea (yet). So yeah, I'm writing it. It's my first GWTW fic so can you please be nice to me? I know I'm not very good at writing but this story has really been bugging me and I had to get it out.**

**Disclaimer: Gone with the Wind isn't mine. (Duh.) No one owns anything on this site anyway, which is why it's called fanfiction. Do I even need to put a disclaimer?**

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Scarlett was having the dream again. 

She was in the dark, misty country that had once haunted her sleep and fear gnawed at her chest. She hadn't had this nightmare for years. Why would it start again now? Oh, please don't make it start again! She still remembered those awful months during war when she would wake up sweating and whimpering nearly each night, Melanie shaking her gently to wake her up. She had been scared of the dream to the point of being afraid to fall asleep. And now it came back.

She started running. The ground was trembling, ghastly hands were plucking her skirts and she was terribly afraid... She couldn't see where she was going because of the thick fog surrounding her but she knew she had to run. Run to Rhett.

But Rhett was gone. He didn't love her anymore and if he was gone, where could she run to? Nowhere. There was no point in running anymore. There was no refuge for her in this dark misty world. She would be miserable and alone for all the rest of her life fleeing towards a haven that did not exist since Rhett wasn't there for her anymore. He had been the only one to really love her and understand her, and she had made him miserable. Maybe she deserved to be more miserable than him. Maybe she deserved to have terrifying nightmares. Maybe she deserved worse, even.

She stopped running. She could not feel any fear, only a vague numbness and a small twinge of regret. She felt as though she would never bother about anything anymore. Was that what grandma Fontaine was talking about? Never to be afraid of anything? The only thing that would ever frighten her now was something happening to Rhett. Not poverty, not hunger, not even the dream, just Rhett. How silly of her! To be so heartbroken because Rhett had left her and yet still love him so! After all, she was Scarlett O' Hara and she had never needed men to be happy!

Unfortunately, she knew it wasn't true. She had always loved having beaux chasing her and flirting with handsome bachelors. She had always tried to be prettier and sweeter than everyone else so men would like her. And she needed Rhett. Scarlett knew she needed Rhett and she knew she didn't deserve him. God seemed to be punishing her for her ruthlessness and selfishness with lots of guilt, a conscience, heartbreak and nightmares.

She simply stood shivering in the mist, sobbing softly, the tears rolling down her cheeks slowly and her eyes starting to swell and turn red. She wiped them wearily with her cold hands and suddenly, without warning, the hands groping her skirts jerked her down. She fell into the thick fog and the ground crumbled under her feet. She couldn't see anything, the mist was blinding her. She felt herself scream but she couldn't hear her own voice. She was falling forever, for eternity, without ever landing on the earth. She was suspended in time and space and all she could feel was terror. And at that moment she knew she deserved it. Because of Charles, Frank, Suellen, India, Wade, Ashley, Ella, Melanie, Bonnie, and Rhett. Mostly because of Rhett.

She finally woke up shaking and sobbing, Mammy holding her against her chest and trying to console her.

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**I know, the first chapter's annoyingly short. But you have no idea how slowly I type. Please review if you feel like it. And if you see any typos (or anything that sounds wrong), please tell me. My English is not all that good, sorry.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ha, I actually have reviews! People actually read my stuff! I thought I'd get no reviews until I updated chapter two but instead I received messages from wonderful GWTW writers. When I read the reviews, I had a very big, stupid looking smile on the face. I mean honestly, with the enormous number of fics that are Post Gone with the Wind, I thought mine would be totally neglected. And for all of you that tell me my writing doesn't suck, YES IT DOES. I've always had Cs for my essays. Even my English teachers told me that I sucked. (But they told me in a polite way so they wouldn't hurt my feelings.) So I'm not being negative, or modest or too exigent. I'm just truthful. Sorry if the author note is long. Just skip it.**

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"I'll get Rhett back," Scarlett decided. "I can't live like this." 

Scarlett was tired of feeling guilty because of him. She was tired of waking up sobbing in the middle of the night. And most of all she was tired of thinking of that scoundrel all the time. Everything reminded her of him and once she started thinking of him, his smile, his eyes, and his voice, blotted out all other thoughts. She tried to push him out of her mind and tell herself she would think of him tomorrow, but she thought of him today, and the next day, and the next day too... and usually when she started thinking of him she would cry.

She had to make him love her again. She just had to figure out how. If only she could talk to someone, someone that wouldn't look scandalized when she said the truth, wouldn't scold her for her past actions and most of all would understand her. The most obvious choice would be Rhett, of course. She had not only lost a husband, but also a confident. But now, she could only chose between Will and Mammy, and she didn't want to talk to either of them about Rhett. Mammy had grown to appreciate "Mist' Rhett" and she would probably tell Scarlett that she deserved it. And she would be right. But Scarlett didn't need anyone to give her reminders.

And Will... Even though he always had a stolid and placid mask over the face... He knew everything. She knew he did. Sometimes, when he thought she wasn't looking, he would throw her a look filled with pity and understanding, just like the one he had had in his eyes when Ashley had come back from war and Will had held her back. She absolutely hated it. She knew Will might be more help than Mammy, but she wouldn't take pity from anyone. She would rather slap him in the face and scream at him to remove that look from his eyes than accept it.

So in the end she went to see her children. A rather silly idea since there was no way she would ever get any helpful talk out Wade or Ella, but nonetheless they were better than asking help from Suellen. What's more, Rhett had always loved children... And after all, it was true, she was a very disagreeable mother. She knew it was too late to change her children's view of her, but maybe she could make it up for them, just a little. She knew her children were scared of her but it was worth a try. Who knows, maybe Rhett would actually start to respect her if she became a better mother?

She entered the children's room. Wade was getting big, she had never noticed how much older and taller he looked. Ella though, was just as scatterbrained and plain. Maybe she would slowly grow prettier? She sure hoped so. Because with her present physique, the girl's chances of catching a good men were rather slim.

"Good afternoon, darlings." She said as cheerfully as she could manage.

Wade and Ella both looked at her strangely. "Mother," Wade said timidly, "it's still morning."

"Is it?" She replied, mildly surprised. She wondered why the days seemed so much longer now that Rhett was gone. Usually she was either sobbing in her bedroom or walking around Tara like a somnambulist, looking at nothing in particular and completely lost in thoughts. And she drank once in a while when Mammy wasn't looking her way. But Mammy was always looking, and always with a worried expression on the face. She felt guilty for making Mammy worry for nothing, and tried to look as happy as possible when she was next to her. But of course it never worked. Each time she randomly started weeping, someone would quietly run to tell Mammy about it and Mammy would appear by her side, put her to bed and try to console Scarlett even though she had no idea what made her cry.

She hesitated a little, wondering what she should say and finally asked, "Do… you want to hear a story, kids?"

"Oh yes, could you tell me a story, mother?" Ella replied.

"Which book do you want, sweetheart?" Scarlett said, walking towards the bookshelf.

"I don't want a book, I want that story that uncle Rhett used to tell Bonnie! About the barbecue at Uncle Ashley's home and how you broke a vase!"

"What?!" Scarlett and Wade shouted at the same time. Scarlett from astonishment, (why would Rhett ever tell this story to children? After all she had acted shamefully at this barbecue), and Wade from dismay (why did Ella have to be so stupid? Why did she have to remind mother of uncle Rhett?)

Wade wasn't an idiot. He had asked his mother "Where is uncle Rhett? Do you know when he's going to come back?" at least three times to Scarlett and each time Mother had broken down in tears. He had only seen his mother cry once before, and it was because uncle Rhett had left her on the middle of the road with the Yankees coming after them. Now she cried all the time. And she smelled funny. You didn't need to be a genius to find out that mother was in a bad mood because Uncle Rhett had gone on a trip. He didn't know why his mother would be so upset about that since Uncle Rhett went on trips all the time, but it was probably something only grown-ups understood. He missed Aunt Melly and wished Uncle Rhett would come back soon. In the meantime though, he tried not to remind Mother of Uncle Rhett so she wouldn't cry in front of him.

Wade didn't like seeing his mother cry. It was wrong. It frightened him. He was confused about why he hated it so much but he knew he did. He would rather hear his mother snap angrily at him than listen to her endless, broken-hearted weeping. Mother had always been distant and bad tempered and strong, and strong persons didn't cry. He had to admit he was terribly scared of her but he still loved her, so seeing her cry was very uncomfortable. And Mother loved him back, Aunt Melly had told him so. If only Aunt Melly wasn't dead... Maybe Mother was crying for Aunt Melly too.

He watched his mother anxiously, waiting for her to start sobbing so he could go call Mammy. But it looked like he didn't need to fetch Mammy since Mother seemed fine. Her cheeks were pinker than usual and she seemed almost angry. Wade felt an intense feeling of relief. Mother was angry! Everything was back to normal again.

"Ella," she finally said, "why in the world did Rhett tell you this story?"

"But mother, I like that story, it's fun!" Ella whined.

"Well, it's most inappropriate and he shouldn't be..." Suddenly she laughed, startling the two children. Why, Rhett could infuriate her even when he wasn't there! Oh, how she missed him now. If only she could listen to his teasing again. Remembering the barbed insults he had said to her, and the cutting replies she had thrown back at him, Scarlett felt tears coming to her eyes. But she banished the thought as quickly as it came.She had more pleasant things to do than crying and pitying herself.

"Come here Ella." She said. She felt a lot less gloomy than usual. Ella sat on her lap happily and Wade looked absolutely flabbergasted by his mother's actions.

"You see, when I was young," Scarlett began, "I was in lo... I wanted to mar... Well, I liked Uncle Ashley. And the day before the barbecue at Twelve Oaks, I was told that he was going to marry Aunt Melly. It was long ago when I was still sixteen and at that time I was rather foolish. So I was very angry because I didn't want Ashley to marry Melanie and I wanted him to marry me."

Wade blushed at this and Ella giggled. Mother marrying Uncle Ashley! What a funny thought!

"At that time I believed that Ashley loved me more than Melly, I can't start to figure out how stupid I was. And I decided that he would marry me and not her. So I wore a pretty green dress (it was an afternoon dress but I didn't care) and I flirted with everyone so all the men swarmed around me. Except Ashley, of course, because he loved Melanie."

"Mother, why were all the men swir... swarming around you?" Ella asked innocently.

"Well, I looked pretty so the bachelors liked me, I guess." She said. Telling them she had flirted with everyone just to make Ashley jealous so he would elope with her would be unsuitable.

"Shall I continue?" she asked. Ella nodded. "I met Uncle Rhett for the first time there. He told everyone that the Yankees would lick us since they had more factories than us and he made a scandal. He makes scandals everywhere he goes, that man. A few men even wanted to take him out." She smiled at that thought. "And the library! Oh, that was one of the most embarrassingly dumb thing I've ever done. When all the girls were sleeping I went to the library with Ashley and..." She simply couldn't tell them she had slapped Ashley. "And we got into an argument because he wouldn't elo... he wouldn't marry me because he loved Melly. He said a bunch of nonsense about honor and when he walked out of the room I…"

"Mother, tell us about how you slapped Uncle Ashley and threw a vase right over Uncle Rhett's head and..."

"God's nightgown! Don't tell me Rhett told you that too?" She blurted out. Ella giggled.

Scarlett sighed. Rhett seemed to have done anything he could to ridicule her. "All right, I was so angry that I slapped Uncle Ashley, and when Ashley went away I broke a vase. But I didn't know Rhett was there and when he jumped out from behind that couch, I got the fright of my life. He laughed at me so much that I got very angry at him too and I never wanted to see him again." She smiled sadly at the thought. Now all she wanted was to have him back in her life. "And so I... later on I married Charles." Wade didn't have to know she had married Charles because of jealousy and anger.

"I became a widow, and I had you, Wade. Then I went to Atlanta and lived with Melanie and Aunt Pitty. They so wanted me to stay! I still don't know why. And I had to nurse all these wounded, and it was no fun at all. I still remember the Bazaar. I was there with Aunt Melly. Your Uncle Rhett was there too and I sure was very worried about it. After all, he had seen me slap Ashley. He teased me but he was very funny and I think we became friends that day. At least, I wasn't scared of him telling my secret anymore. I'm not totally sure but I think he liked me already because he paid for the first reel that day. 150 dollars in Gold! Can you believe that? And then there was that waltz. Rhett dances divinely you know?" She sighed. "I can still remember the song. Dearest love do you remember," she started singing, "When we last did meet? How you told me that you loved me kneeling at my... my..." tears were coming to her eyes. She could still feel Rhett's arms around her, his black eyes gazing at hers, his sarcastic grin mocking her and himself at the same time. She could still see the beautiful room and the gorgeous chandelier overhead, she could still hear the band playing and see the matrons gossiping about how scandalous her dancing was, she could still see Melanie's kind gaze following her and she could hear herself, Mrs. Hamilton the widow, laughing heartily with Captain Butler the dashing blockade runner.

She hated memories. She hated thinking about the past. Why had she started telling this story? Was her desire of confiding in someone so strong that she would tell the story of her life to her own children?

Ella and Wade were looking at her and listening intently, because they had never heard this part before. Usually Uncle Rhett only told them about the barbecue, chuckled a little at the memory, and then left the ending unfinished. He had gotten to the bazaar only once or twice and obviously he had never started singing like Mother had. But mother looked pale and sad once more, and Wade wondered if it was finally time to run call Mammy. Ella looked at Scarlett with puzzlement, wondering why she had stopped singing so abruptly.

"I will tell you the rest of the story another time, my dears," she whispered. And she rushed out of the room as fast as possible.

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**A lot of people on ff .net wrote about how Rhett would tell Bonnie stories. Well, now Scarlett is telling Wade and Ella stories. It's just that she's telling them her past. Doesn't really sound like something she would normally do, but hey, it's my story. I know nothing really happens in this chapter but it's longer than the first one (It took me a long time to write), and I've read fics more pointless than that before. If you see any mistakes/typos/stuff-that-you-don't-like etc. tell me, I'll fix it. Review if you want of course, and if you want to flame me I won't mind, I'll just be happy that my fic is popular enough to get flames. They are just as good as "ZOMG UR STORY'S SO FKING COOL!" (It's good I don't have any reviews like that yet. Thank you for writing readably.) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Why is Gone with the Wind in the movie section? Isn't it supposed to be a novel? Sure, the film is more famous than the book but it doesn't mean that the book should be ignored. Is it a mistake? Anyway, here's another chapter with a lot of talking and nothing really happening except an argument. Writing Mammy was hard, I had to make a list of "Mammyish word with English translations. And I'm sure there are still mistakes. But it was worth it, I guess. Mammy's pretty fun to write.**

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"Miss Scarlett, whut's wrong wid ya? Jes tell yo' ole Mammy an' stop makin' me wurry 'bout ya." Mammy pleaded.

"There's nothing wrong, Mammy." She sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. "I'm just sad because of Melanie." She wondered if she should go up to her bedroom. She had wanted to steal a bottle of scuppernong wine stealthily (her reserves of brandy were getting rather low) but instead she had run into Mammy.

"Ah knows der's sumpin' up wid ya, why woan't ya tell me, mah chile?" Scarlett ignored her and Mammy continued, "Yo've been lak dis since yah come back hyah to Tara. Whut done happen in 'Lanta dat I doan know of? Is it 'bout Mist' Rhett? Ah is sho' you kain be cryin' all day 'cuz of Miss Melly's death. 'Twuz months before an' yo' still bawlin' all the time an' yo' not gwine' back ter 'Lanta after dis long. Did'ya fight wid Mist' Rhett agin? Ah thinks yo'…"

"Oh, shush Mammy!" Scarlett yelled. Why did Mammy always know everything about everything? Why could she never keep any secret from her?

"Ah woan shush 'cuz Ah's free a free nigger naw. An' Ah doan wanna shush 'til ya done tole me why yo' actin' so. Las' time Ah seen ya cryin' wus when lil' Miss Bonnie done died an' Ah knows you din' cry fo' months 'cuz of her."

Melanie and Bonnie. If only Mammy hadn't mentioned them. Scarlett felt the tears coming again. If Bonnie hadn't died…

"Honey, Ah'm sorry." Mammy said hurriedly. "Ah doan want yah ter cry! Fo'give ole Mammy Miss Scarlett, Ah din' mean none of it. Doan cry mah lamb!"

"Oh Mammy, can' you see?" she sobbed, "Bonnie is dead and Melanie too and Rhett doesn't love me anymore!" She had unconsciously started shouting. "He wants a divorce! I just… why? Why is everyone I love leaving me one by one? Is God punishing me for what I've done? Is he? What should I do to make him stop? Become a nun like Careen?!" Scarlett had shrieked the last sentence as loud as she could. And then she realized she had told Mammy about Rhett. No, she had not only told Mammy, she had yelled it at the top of her lungs. Everyone in the house probably knew now. Suellen would feel even more contempt towards her.

Wade and Ella, she thought with a jerk. What about them? They had heard everything, she was sure of it. She cursed herself inwardly for losing her self-control. What would she do? How could she explain? Those two absolutely loved Rhett!

She would find some way to explain everything later. She had to take care of Mammy first. "Mammy?" She whispered. Scarlett had never seen Mammy looking that shocked before.

"Mist' Rhett wants ter… ter…"

"Yes. And I know I deserve everything, so you don't need to tell me again."

"Ah… Why, Miss Ellen mus' be tuh'nin' in her grabe! An O'Hara gal, divorced! Dat's sham'ful! An' huccome yo' talk 'bout the Lawd in sech an unr'spec'ful way? Eef... eef Ah'd knowed ya wud git so mad wid Mist' Rhett Ah wud have stayed wid ya in 'Lanta! Whut'd'you do to make 'em hate you lak dat?"

"I didn't make him hate me. He just stopped loving me after Bonnie died. And, we're not divorced and we're not going to be. I shan't let him do such a thing to me."

Mammy wasn't listening. "An' why's dat happenin', huh? 'Cuz yo been mean ter him, dat's why! Tellin' him it wuz his fault Bonnie done died! An' now yo' cry 'cuz Mist' Rhett doan love you no more! I kain blame 'em! A divorce… Oh Lawd, whut a duhsgrace!"

Mammy seemed to have forgotten Scarlett's despair and was concentrating completely on the fact that Rhett wanted a divorce.

"Mother?" Said a small voice at the bottom of the stairs. It was Wade.

"Wade, why are you still up? It's nearly ten." Scarlett asked tiredly. She wasn't even surprised.

"I heard about a divorce," he said quietly, slightly worried about being punished for being out of bed and eavesdropping on grown-ups.

"Mother is not going to be divorced, honey. I swear. You should go sleep now. Mammy, could you get him to bed, please?" She knew it was a rather weak attempt at getting rid of Mammy, but she couldn't think of anything else to do. She didn't want to talk about any of it today. Tomorrow. She would think about it tomorrow. Tonight all she wanted was a bit of alcohol.

"Yo' ain' gettin' rid of me lak dat, chile!" Mammy bellowed.

"Mammy, I am NOT divorced. I am not GOING to be divorced. So please, help Wade to bed."

She felt tired and very stupid. Why in the world had she starting yelling to Mammy that Rhett wanted a divorce? She had cracked. After all this time, ruminating dark thoughts by herself, she couldn't stand the pressure anymore. She had to let it out someway and crying or drinking weren't very good options, so she had yelled everything and now the whole house knew just how much of an imbecile she was. Maybe she could still try to talk about it to Mammy. Or anyone else for that matter. She could talk about how desperate she felt every time she thought about Rhett, or Melanie, or Bonnie, or mother and pa, and when she was done she would feel better. But not today. Today she was too wary. The only thing she wanted was to go to bed with a glass of brandy and forget her torments for just one day.

No! She didn't want to sleep; she never wanted to sleep again. She wanted to stay awake. She wanted to stay awake forever. Or at least until the nightmares went away.

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"Will? Can we talk?" 

"What d'you want to talk about Scarlett?" Scarlett knew it was a rhetorical question.

"I know you already understand everything Will. You know everything about me and Rhett but you just won't let it show."

"No I don't know everything. I ain't ever met this husband of yours, Scarlett." Will refused to look at her. He stared at the piece of straw he was chewing on as though it was a lot more interesting than her.

"So what? We can still talk."

"Listen, Scarlett. I don't know that Rhett Butler person but I know you. And I'm guessing you prob'ly love your husband more than Ashley by now. What I'm certain of though, is that this man's made you sad. He left you didn't he?" Somehow hearing Will talking of Rhett leaving her so casually made her feel… strange. It made it seem a lot more real for some reason. But it also made her more confused.

"You heard me yelling yesterday…" She was starting to blush in shame.

"Not just that. You've been crying all the time and coming from you it just ain't normal. And the look in your eyes, it looks just like your pa when he was thinkin' of your ma. All… empty."

"Are you saying I'm losing my mind?" She asked, faintly angry and more than a little worried. Was she going mad? She couldn't be!

"I dunno 'bout that. But I do know this, Scarlett. It's no use runnin' after him like you're going to, 'cause I know you're gonna pursue your husband and try to get him back. It's in your nature. But I don't think it'll be no use. He won't ever want to even see you anymore after leaving you like he did. Men are like that. So you should just let it go, and try to forget him. That's the only smart thing you can really do now."

And he walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm actually starting to like writing this story. How strange. Maybe it's because I've got the end all planned out. I still need to figure out some of the stuff in the middle though. Or maybe it's just because people were so nice to me. I've got more than ten reviews! Yay! Now I only have 96 chapters and 990 more reviews to go 8D. (Winks at Cornorama). Seriously, I don't think this story will be very long. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't even reach ten chapters.**

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Scarlett was going back to Atlanta because she was sick of it. She knew if she went back, the Old Guard would look at her venomously and talk atrociously behind her back, but she couldn't bear to see Suellen's smug face anymore, or feel Will's pity for her, and that was enough of a reason to go confront Mrs. Merriwether.

And of course, Mammy was coming. She partly wanted Mammy to stay because that way she would finally be free from her, and partly because Mammy was getting old. She deserved a rest, after all.

But Mammy obviously didn't want to rest. She wanted to keep an eye on her lamb. And if it meant hauling her heavy carcass all the way up to Atlanta, so be it. She wouldn't let Miss Scarlett get into any more trouble when she wasn't there, a divorce was bad enough already.

Scarlett also wanted to get some news from Rhett. She knew Will was extremely likely to be right, but she also knew there was no way she would listen to him. She would get Rhett back. She had to. Deep down, she knew that it was selfish of her, that she really didn't deserve Rhett, and that Rhett wouldn't love her again. But she ignored her conscience and Will and pushed them to the back of her mind, even though she knew they were both likely to be correct.

She would miss Tara. But she just couldn't stay any longer.

Her house felt bleaker and gloomier than ever. She didn't want to sleep in this big bedroom, all alone… It was too lonely. And the memories that she had tried to ignore, were everywhere. When she looked at the lawn, she remembered Bonnie jumping on Mr. Butler, when she looked at the stairs she remembered her miscarriage, when she looked at Wade and Ella she remembered… she remembered Rhett. She always ended up thinking of Rhett. "Maybe coming back to Atlanta was a bad idea after all" she thought after only four days.

She had asked the lawyer, asked the bank, she had even written to Pauline and Eulalie. No results. Rhett wasn't in Charleston, so he was probably somewhere in Paris, or London or maybe he was in New Orleans again. But he could just as well be in China, for all she knew. If he had been in Charleston, she probably would have gone there too, just to see him. But she had absolutely no idea where he was, and she couldn't possibly follow him. Rhett probably knew she would try to chase him anyway, and so he had left Charleston, to somewhere she did not know, that way she would leave him alone. Well, Rhett was definitely smarter than her.

She had visited Ashley because of a feeling of responsibility, and he was awful. A few years earlier, her heart would have been broken to see him in this state. The look of bitterness and despair he had had since the war had worsened. He was often unshaved, and he looked like he had no reason to live anymore, which made sense since Melanie was the only thing that had kept him going since Appomattox. His eyes were haggard, he went to work only a few times a week, and he was quickly losing money, yet he didn't seem to care. Scarlett also believed that he had started drinking. Ashley Wilkes, an alcoholic! It was unbelievable.

And poor little Beau, who only had India to take care of him now, was no longer the happy little child he once was. He had seldom heard any sharp words directed to him before, and now both aunt India and Father scolded him frequently. And usually it was because he was too loud, or because he was running in the house, or for any small thing at all, really. Beau didn't like Aunt India at all, and wished she would go back to live with Aunt Pittypat like she used to until Melanie's death. But India was going to stay a long time.

Scarlett was discouraged. She was supposed to be taking care of Ashley, but she had no idea how. He obviously needed help very much, but she simply couldn't help him. If he wouldn't go to work, the suggestions she gave him about the mills were useless, and it annoyed her greatly. She couldn't just throw money at him, could she? He would refuse her money anyway because of his damned honor. And it would be plain stupid to ask him to stop drinking. After all, wasn't she drinking too? But it was apparent that she drank less heavily than him. He always had bags under his eyes, a perpetual hangover, and stinky breath. Beau, though, was easier to take care of. She simply bought him some new clothes and talked to him as gently as she could, and it made the boy quite happy. She invited Beau to come over and play, although India seemed very displeased by it, and took care to never, ever mention Melanie. Not only because it would make Beau sad, but because she might start crying too.

She knew she was still considered a rogue by the old guard, and she knew they thought she was a bad influence for Beau. Some of them even whispered that her being nice to Beau was just a ploy to catch Ashley. Scarlett wasn't informed of this rumor, but if she had been, she would have laughed grimly and told them that even if she caught Ashley, she wouldn't know what to do with him anyway. The old guard also said that she and Rhett were divorced, which was uncomfortably close to the truth.

Scarlett knew it was dumb of her, but she really hoped that Rhett would come back, tell her that he had missed her, that it was all a mistake, and that he still loved her. Then they would live as happily as possible without Bonnie. But her common sense knew it would never happen. The man she loved had to be the one that would never love her. Or at least never love her again. She had had his heart, without knowing or wanting it, and just as she realized the truth, he went away, just like that. Rhett was taking his revenge over her, because of all these lon years she had spent torturing him.

"Why must I always fall in love with men I can't have?" She sighed to herself.

"Eef ya could have'em easily, ya wudn't be in love wid dem, wud ya? Ya had Charles an' Frank easily, an' ya' din' like'em none." Mammy replied. Scarlett hadn't even noticed Mammy was in the same room with her. "Ya don' care 'bout whut yo' have, all ya' want is whut ya' kain have. Ah tinks ya should stop doin' dat, or yo' not gonna be happy very offen in yo' life."

Scarlett was stunned. "What do you mean? That I'm not taking care of my children correctly? That I'm not good enough to you? That I'm a terribly selfish person?"

"No'm. Yo' good ter me. But ya _should_ care moar 'bout yo' chillun. Whut if sometin' happens to dem too? Ah'd be nicer to dem for shore. Ya' took Miss Melly for granted an' den she done died. An' Ah know yo regrettin' it. Some'un e'se mite die too, an' den yo'll regret it agin. Ah seggest ya act nicer ter eve'yone." Mammy shuffled away slowly, grumbling something about silly white folks and horrible accidents happening all the time.

Scarlett felt scared. Why was Mammy always right? Worse, what would she do when Mammy died? "Mammy?"

"Yes'm?"

"I love you. I just wanted you to know that."

Mammy's eyes wrinkled and she smiled. "Ah knows, honey."

"Excuse me now, but I want to see my children very much." Scarlett ran out of the room. She saw Wade reading a book in the parlor, and hugged him as tight as she could.

"I love you Wade. Really I do. I'm so sorry." Wade thought Mother might start sobbing, but instead she ran up the stairs calling Ella.

* * *

"Mother, tell us what happened after that!" Ella cried. 

Scarlett sighed, resigned. The story of her life was the only story Ella actually paid attention to.

"The Yankees were coming and Beau… Well, he was coming too." Scarlett had already told this story a few times, and Ella was still not getting tired of it. Wade looked bored, though.

"I wanted to get out of the town fast, and I didn't know how. So I sent Prissy to get Rhett and he came. He stole… I mean, he managed to get a horse, and we went to Tara. We put Melanie in the buggy with Beau and Prissy and you, Wade. I was very scared, but we actually got out of Atlanta because uncle Rhett was with me. But when we were on the main road, he jumped down and told me he wanted to go with the army. I have no idea why he suddenly changed his mind. Then he left us on the road between two armies and he went away." She never told them about the kiss. Wade might still remember it, but Ella didn't have to know. She shivered. She couldn't describe this feeling anyway. When the darkness enveloped her and nothing in the world seemed to exist except Rhett and his lips on hers. She knew she would never feel like this again for the rest of her life.

She had remembered the scene again and again, each time with the same pain. But now she treasured the memories. They were all she had left of Rhett. She at least wouldn't lose her past with him, even if she had lost his love. Scarlett wanted to keep everything she could as long as possible before having to let go. She had completely stopped drinking, because she didn't want to forget. She didn't want to drown the painful memories with alcohol anymore. She didn't know why she had suddenly changed so completely, but it must have been a good thing since she cried a little less now. Maybe it was fear of loss. Maybe because it was because she had actually accepted the fact that Rhett didn't love her. Maybe it was what Mammy had said. How strange of her! She had never accepted anything she didn't like. She never even thought of things that perturbed her, always pushing them out of her mind. She was head-strong, always went for what she wanted and never gave up the fight until she won. And now she was… resigned? How could Scarlett O'Hara be resigned? It made no sense. She was more confused than ever.

But it was pointless to fight for Rhett. She didn't even know where he was! And even if she did, she knew that if she stalked him he would have even more contempt for her. Why was everything always so complicated?

Ella was looking disappointed. Mother was dreaming again. She wouldn't hear the rest of the story now. Somehow, her mom always started dreaming when she started telling this story. Usually at interesting parts too. Ella started fidgeting, impatient for her to continue and hoping she wouldn't start crying for if she did, Wade would have to go call Mammy and Ella would have to wait to hear the ending. Ella didn't like waiting. But she did like this story very much for some reason, and mother always accepted to tell it to her every time she asked, instead of telling her to run along and stop pestering her. Mother was being nicer than usual to everyone these days. Ella didn't quite understand why, but it certainly was an improvement.

"I'll tell you the rest of the story another time." Mother finally said, her eyes slowly watering. Ella's heart sank. "Why must mother do this all the time?" Ella whispered to Wade as Scarlett ran out of the room. Wade looked at her with annoyance and said "Don't you understand Ella? Mother misses uncle Rhett."

"Why?" Mother had never cried when Uncle Rhett went on trips before.

"How should I know? It must be some grown up thing." Wade shrugged. Grown-ups were always so complicated.

"Wade, do you think uncle Rhett is going to come back this time around?" Ella asked pensively.

He was shocked. "Of course he'll come back! He always comes back. What made you think that he would leave us?"

"Well, maybe mother's crying because uncle Rhett's not coming back."

Wade felt scared. What if Ella was right? That would be terrible. How could they live without uncle Rhett? Mother would cry her pretty eyes out forever.

"He'll come back." Wade said with confidence. "He'll come back because he has to." And he closed the subject.

* * *

**Yup, another chapter where nothing really happens. I really should get on with it. By the way, I don't think Rhett is going to come at all in this story, I don't really need him. And he's very annoying anyway. Ashley is so much better than Rhett, and I'll just make Scarlett marry Ashley. (Hehe. OF COURSE I'm kidding. Rhett's coming in two or three chapters. Rhett is my favorite character in Gone with the Wind and like pretty much everyone else, I hate Ashley. Down with Ashley!! If it wasn't for Rhett, I probably wouldn't mind Ashley though. But Margaret Mitchell just made him so hateable…) Can I ask everyone a question? You don't have to answer of course, but I'm pretty curious. Do you think Scarlett and Rhett end up together after all? Do you think Rhett really stopped loving Scarlett? Do you think Scarlett's love for Rhett at the end of the book was real, or was it a stupid crush, like Ashley? I'm just wondering.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright. I want to thank everyone that replied to my questions. Personally I don't think Scarlett and Rhett went back together for the good and simple reason that Margaret Mitchell would have written a sequel if they did. Maybe she WOULD have written a sequel if she hadn't died so early. Ah well. I also think that MM never told her fans if they got back together because she doesn't know either. I guess she just invented the story up to the break-up scene, and ended it there because there was no reason to continue it. Well, OK, a good reason to continue would be to save millions of fans from crying their heads off, but I guess she just got tired of it. Ten years is a long time. Maybe nothing interesting happened after Rhett left, or she just thought that ending it sadly was a good idea. I think it was a very good ending, but I still hate it. By the way, I also think that Scarlett really loved Rhett. If she didn't love him, why the symbolism? Why make it all so dramatic with the fog and everything? If she didn't love Rhett, the ending would be pointless and dumb. And it WASN'T POINTLESS! (Don't you dare say that.) Anyway, here's the chappie. Aren't you glad I stopped rambling?**

* * *

"The years creep slowly by, Lorena,  
Snow is on the grass again;  
The sun's low down the sky, Lorena,  
The frost gleams where the flowers have been" 

Scarlett was yet again thinking of the bazaar. How strange. She had gone to countless balls, barbeques, and parties, but there were only two she could remember clearly: the barbeque at twelve oaks right before the war, and the bazaar at Atlanta right after she first became a widow. And they were both because of Rhett. She could remember the handsome soldiers wearing grey, the beautiful girls with wide hoops, and almost all the songs. Lorena, When this Cruel War Is Over, Bonnie Blue Flag, and… Jonnie Booker, Help This Nigger and… what was that polka called? It didn't matter all that much. Why must nostalgia be so painful sometimes? And how long had it been since the last time she had played piano? Way too long.

"But the heart throbs on as warmly now,  
As when the summer days were nigh;  
Oh! the sun can never dip so low,  
A down affection's cloudless sky."

"A hundred months have passed, Lorena..." Scarlett stopped playing when she saw Mammy, Wade and Ella watching her from the doorway, incredulous expressions on their faces.

"Is something wrong Mammy?"

"Er… no'm. Ya' can sing if ya wants. Ah jes' din' 'spect ter hear the piano playin'. Ah thought twuz some burglar." Mammy, who went away as fast as she could, knew her lie wasn't convincing. But she had been so surprised to see Miss Scarlett singing, that she had completely forgotten to hide herself. It was a very stupid mistake, coming from an experienced eavesdropper like her.

Scarlett almost smiled. She wasn't angry at Mammy. She continued from where she had stopped.

"Since last I held thy hand in mine;  
And felt the pulse beat fast, Lorena,  
Though mine beat faster far than thine;  
A hundred months,'twas flowery May,  
When up the hilly slope we climbed,  
To watch the dying of the day,  
And hear the distant church bells chime."

She stopped a moment, trying to remember the lyrics, and during the pause, Ella yelled "Mother! I want to sing like you too! Can you teach me?" Scarlett looked at her disapprovingly.

"Ella, you're too young. Wait until you're a bit bigger."

"NO! I want to play piano! And I want to sing prettily like you! I can! I'm old enough! If you'd just let me try, I'll be able to play piano really really well, I promise!" Scarlett smiled. Ella's shouting was just like Bonnie's tantrums used to be. Children were quite similar to each other after all.

"Sit next to me Ella."

Ella couldn't believe her luck. Why was mother so nice to her all of a sudden? Mother had never really cared about her before. And now she was having piano lessons?

"Do you know what a scale is, Ella?"

"No."

"Listen. This is the C major scale. C - D - E - F - G - A - B - C. The first note is C. Can you sing it?"

"C." Ella sang loudly.

"Not bad. Now D."

"D" Ella yelled.

"You don't need to be quite that loud, darling. Now E."

* * *

Scarlett had not expected Ella to have any talent. After all, Ella had never been particularly bright. But she had already learned to sing Lorena, and she could play a few scales on the piano. Scarlett had to admit that she was surprised. Ella had learned how to sing Lorena! Her voice wasn't too ugly, and she could remember the lyrics. Ella, who couldn't even remember what she had eaten for dinner, had managed to remember all the lyrics of Lorena! Scarlett really couldn't believe it. 

Ella was ecstatic. She would yell the song all the time, proud of having finally done something mother approved of. Wade was very annoyed (did she have to sing THAT loud?) but didn't dare to tell her to shush since mother seemed rather pleased about Ella. Ella now went in the ballroom all day, playing and singing until her throat was sore, and soon enough she had learned another song, the Bonnie Blue Flag. She had learned all her major scales and the chromatic one. She was now trying to play the minor scales, with a certain amount of success. She had learned a few simple songs and she could play the beginning of Lorena. She was now attacking the fourth line. Scarlett was amazed. And even Wade had to admit that Ella's singing wasn't that bad (after mother scolded her about yelling in the house.)

Mammy tried not to interfere. She had nothing to do with this. Even when Ella started screaming her songs, she simply smiled and let her be. Scarlett was trying to get her children back, and what was startling was that it was working. Wade wasn't quite as afraid of Mother as before and Ella was thrilled to have piano classes with Scarlett. Scarlett could have hired a piano teacher, but instead she sat in the ballroom nearly everyday with Ella. Mammy could hear Ella laugh at a wrong note and Scarlett chiding her good-naturally sometimes. Then Wade would roll his eyes and say "Women are so silly." in a jeering tone. Wade couldn't understand what was so interesting about singing and would run off with Beau when Mother and Ella were together in the big ballroom. And Mammy would laugh. Scarlett wasn't gloomy anymore. At least she didn't cry as much. True, she still had nightmares, but that couldn't be helped. Unless Captain Butler came back, she would probably have bad dreams forever. But God knew where Rhett was.

* * *

Beau and Wade were playing Sherman and Johnston in the hallway, something that Mother would have forbidden if she hadn't been busy with Ella. But then Mother suddenly interrupted them, so obviously the boys had been wrong about Scarlett's location. Did something disturb Ella's classes? Mother was very pale, but she wasn't crying. She looked at Beau strangely and said "Beau…"

"Yes, Aunt Scarlett?"

She sighed. "Your father wants you to go home immediately."

"Why? Something's happened?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Then why?"

"Actually, India's the one that wants you to go home. She's waiting for you."

Beau was worried. He wasn't in trouble, was he? He couldn't remember doing anything particularly naughty these past few days.

"What's happening, Aunt India?" He asked India, who was standing next to the doorway looking angry and a little uncomfortable.

"You shall not come back to this house Beau." Was all India replied to him.

"What? Why not?" Beau panicked.

"Why do you like this place so much? You don't have to play with Wade, you have plenty of other little friends to play with. Nicer friends." India tugged at Beau's wrist and tried to open the front door.

"I like Wade! He's my best friend! And I like Aunt Scarlett! She's nicer to me than you are!" Beau yelled. He knew he had been very impolite, and that India would scold him terribly for saying such a thing, but at that moment he didn't care. Why was Aunt India so unfair? Why was she so angry at him each time he came to the Butler's house?

"How dare you, you ungrateful little brat!" India shrieked. "Listen to me Beauregard Wilkes. The Butlers are trash! TRASH you hear? You come from a respectable family, and I won't let you associate with rascals like them anymore! So don't you say things like this again." India wasn't looking at Beau, but at Scarlett.

"What caused your sudden decision of preventing Beau from coming to our home?" Scarlett cut in icily.

"I reckon that's my own business." India replied just as coldly.

Scarlett turned her head and called "Mammy!"

"Yas'm?"

"The carriage."

"Whut for?

"For India, of course." And Scarlett walked away as calmly as she could, trying not to let her anger show. What would Melly think? She had asked Scarlett to take care of Beau. She might not be able to give any assistance to Ashley, but Beau at least seemed to appreciate the fact that she was trying to help. How could India be such a…

"Aunt Scarlett! What is Aunt India talking about? You aren't trash!"

Scarlett looked at India, feeling her old anger rising inside her. How dare she tell Beau lies about her? This stupid woman who pretended to be a widow when she was just an ugly old maid? She hadn't felt so angry for a long time. It felt good to be furious again.

"YOU ARROGANT COLD-HEARTED WRETCH!" Scarlett shouted as loudly and ferociously as she could. "GET OUT OF MY HOME NOW! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME?! HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH A… a HYPOCRITE? BEAU IS HAPPIER HERE THAN IN HIS OWN HOME AND YOU FORBID HIM TO COME? YOU TELL HIM OFFENSIVE THINGS ABOUT ME WHEN YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME?!"

India looked horrified and even Beau looked a little scared. Wade plugged his ears with his fingers and ran to the kitchen, so he wouldn't hear anything. Ella came down the stairs looking bewildered and almost as frightened as Wade.

"The carri'uge is hyah, ma'am" Mammy said.

"Good. Now GET OUT!" Scarlett was still panting with rage when India hurried out with poor little Beau. Scarlett would need to have a conversation with Ashley.

She went to Ashley's house the day after, determined to have a talk with him. Strangely, he was at work. Scarlett then decided to call on Pitty, and wait for his return. He came back around one hour later, far earlier than she had expected.

"Ashley, may I talk with you?" She asked him. Thank God he wasn't drunk.

"Scarlett? What are you doing here?" He wasn't particularly surprised to see her.

"I'm sure you know. Yesterday, India stormed in, called me names, and told Beau that he was no longer allowed to 'associate with trash.'"

"She said that?" Ashley was actually starting to look surprised now.

"Yes. And she called us rascals, when I've given clothes to Beau and I've done my best to help you."

"Listen Scarlett, I'm sure India meant none of it. She was simply angry yesterday and I'm sure she regrets her comportment by now."

"Does she?" Scarlett snarled. "Well, I suppose that Beau can still come to our home then. I wanted to invite him today, we could go shopping."

"I… I'm afraid he might not be available today." Ashley looked embarrassed.

"I knew India would try to keep Beau away from me." Scarlett frowned at Ashley. "Well, all the same, Beau can go shopping with me; after all, he's not coming into my house, only my carriage."

"Scarlett, please don't try to provoke her."

"Why is India such a… a… low-down…"She spat.

"India is jealous." Ashley sighed. "She learned yesterday that if I happened to die, you would be Beau's guardian, not her. It is Melanie's will."

Scarlett was dumbfounded. They stood looking at each other and saying nothing for a long moment.

"So that's why…" Scarlett began.

"Yes."

"But, I'm such a bad mother! How could Melly do that? What a silly goose! I would never be able to take care of Beau correctly! Why, I can't even take care of my own children!"

"Yes you can. You were taking good care of him these past few weeks, and I am grateful for it. Beau surely would be happier with you than with India. But don't tell her I said that."

"How come India only learned about it yesterday?"

"Well, I simply never found any appropriate moment to tell her. I was sure she would be... disappointed, so I didn't tell her anything about that. But yesterday she started insulting you in front of me, and I had a headache." Ashley told her hesitantly. "A headache? Probably a hangover", Scarlett thought.

"I told her to stop, but she continued saying that it was a disgrace and that I should be ashamed to know my boy is playing with two worthless scalawags' son. I wanted to hush her so I told her everything. How you would be Beau's guardian if I died, how it was on Melanie's will and how I approved Melly's decision. And I told her to quiet down." Ashley smiled weakly, the smile never reaching his grey,drowsy eyes. "You know what happened next. She was exceedingly angry. I know Beau is my son, and I should have more authority over him than India, but I can't fight with my own sister."

"But you approve?" Scarlett was startled. How could he? She was the worst mother that had ever walked the surface of this Earth!

He shrugged. "Beau doesn't like India, and I don't think he really loves me either. He only loved Melly. I can't say I'm very good at taking care of children, unlike Captain Butler. I just don't know how to deal with kids and I don't know what to say or do when I'm near him, and usually I'm too dru... I mean, I'm too distracted to look after him." He paused. "Maybe it would be better for Beau if I died, wouldn't it?" He was looking straight at her, but his tired eyes were wandering far away in dreamland, like usual. "Goodbye Scarlett." He finally whispered.

Beau never went to the Butlers' house again.

* * *

**Poor Beau.** **I'm so evil. And I'm gonna get even meaner. Should I start feeling guilty? I don't really want to break some poor reader's heart... Though I doubt any of you's _that_ emotional. Right? (Who cries while reading fanfiction anyway? I know I don't) I PROMISE Rhett is coming. He's just late. Actually, I'm the one who's late. I'll introduce him either in the next chapter or the one after that. And I swear I'm typing as fast as I can. Fanfictions take more time and energy than I thought they would when I started.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**I hate homework and school. I wish it was still summer. (but who doesn't?) That way I would write more. Oh, by the way, stuff is finally happening in the story! Yay? I hope this chapter's not quite as boring as the previous ones. I also hope you didn't wait too long for this update. I wanted to be sure my writing was OK and it took me some time to find the right words. The previous chapters weren't all that important, but from now on, I'll reread what I write 3-4 times just in case. I really don't want to screw up the ending.  
**

* * *

The majority of Atlanta shared India's opinion. After all, Scarlett Butler was a scalawag of the worst kind. And Captain Butler, who at least had repented himself for his past actions (not like his wife), had most likely divorced her. A divorced scalawag! God knew you didn't want your children in _her_ house. But Ashley, strangely, came to Scarlett's defense. This meant that the rumors about his relationship with Scarlett were probably true too. Some of the old cats disagreed, wanting to stay on Scarlett's side for Melanie's sake. Melanie loved Scarlett more than she deserved, and for reasons no one could understand, but everyone, the Scarlett haters included, knew Mrs. Wilkes would be glad to know Mrs. Butler was taking care of Beau as well as she could since Ashley wouldn't lift a finger these days. Unfortunately though, India disagreed. Melly would be mad if she knew about India's actions.

Beau was distraught. Wade was distraught. Ella was just as distraught as the two boys and Scarlett was furious. But a teeny-tiny bit of pity and understanding made way into her heart. India, who had been so righteous all her life, who had deserved Melly's love far more than Scarlett, wasn't nearly as loved as she should be, even after Melanie's death. Scarlett though… Gosh, she felt pity for _India_! It must be Scarlett's new conscience's fault. Stupid conscience.

Wade had lost his best friend. When he tried to play with Joe and Frank, their mother almost always chased him away politely. And even when they did play together, they made fun of Wade and were very mean, saying that his mother was a whore (neither of them knew what it meant, but it sounded very bad) and telling him he was white trash, a scallywag, and other things not nice to say. Of course, they fought each other, and of course, they wouldn't talk to each other until Wade grew bored again and decided to play with them since he had nothing better to do. Ella was so sad she stopped singing loudly in the house. Mammy was extremely worried about the girl's sudden quietness, constantly asking Ella "Whut's wrong wid mah little mockin'bird? Ya ain't sang nuthin' fer a long time. Why woan't ya sing?" Scarlett tried to lift the kids' spirits by letting them take the carriage to town anytime they wanted and buy sweets and toys, but they soon grew tired of these rides, and most of the time, they simply stopped in front of Ashley's home and tried desperately to sneak into the house. They never succeeded. Scarlett discovered their ploy when Ella lost her hat in the Wilkes' garden, and to punish them the rides to town were forbidden until Christmas.

But Beau proved to everyone that out of the three children, he was the most desperate.

* * *

Beau was tired of Raoul and Joe and Frank. They looked at him strangely, and they often insulted Wade and Beau behind their backs. Beau was annoyed by Aunt India's cold, severe, and unceasing glare following him everywhere, waiting for him to do something wrong so she would chide him, and he wanted to play with Wade, listen to Ella's loud singing, and see Aunt Scarlett's pretty face and the small presents she gave him all the time. He simply wished someone, anyone, would be kind to him. Melanie had always showered him with love and affection, but now that he was suddenly surrounded by indifference, he absolutely couldn't get used to it. He had asked Father's help, but father wouldn't help him. He would only look at him sadly, sigh, and tell him drunkenly "Listen to your Aunt, son." He had hollered, and bawled, and thrown tantrums, which he had almost never done when Mother was still alive, but none of it gave off any result. Aunt India wouldn't let him have anything to do with the Butlers. So one night, he decided to run away.

Beau's room was at the first level, since there was no second level in their little house in Peachtree Street. He simply opened the window when everyone in the house was sleeping and he slipped out as quietly as possible, the window barely big enough to let him through. He's bare feet landed on the cold lawn and he immediately regretted the fact that he hadn't taken a coat. Too late now. He ran towards where he thought must be the direction of the Butler's mansion, and soon became out of breath. It was much colder at night than he had thought it would be. Beau shivered a little but walked on. He hoped he wouldn't get lost. It was so dark it was hard to see…

* * *

India and Ashley both woke up with a start when Beau's door banged loudly. Ashley fell back to sleep, but India couldn't. "What is wrong with this child for God's sake? Banging doors shut in the middle of the night! Such a nice child! Scarlett really changed him for the worst. It's all her fault this boy turned bad. Why is it so cold in here all of a sudden?" India grumbled under her breath while walking sleepily towards Beau's bedroom.

Beau wasn't in his room. The window was open. The wind must have banged the door… Oh Lord, Beau was gone!

"Ashley! Ashley BEAU IS GONE!" India shrieked. "Oh, good God, where could this boy run to in the middle of the night?! Ashley, wake up!"

* * *

Beau continued to walk. Surely, he would arrive to the mansion soon. He was pretty sure that he was going in the right direction. His feet were very cold, and he started sneezing. Even if he didn't take a coat, he should have taken shoes. Or the gloves Scarlett had given him. And maybe a scarf, for that matter. But he had been in such a hurry, that he had completely forgotten those small details. Now he regretted it. His pajama was definitely not warm enough for strolling around in winter. He walked a little faster. He must be nearly there. He couldn't make out anything in the blackness, but he had walked for a very long time now, and he was sure he was nearly there. Wasn't he?

"Beau! Beau, where are you?" Someone was calling him. A woman? He turned around, his teeth chattering, and saw Aunt India running towards him. Not Aunt India!

"Beau! What in the world is wrong with you, naughty boy? Why did you run away like that? We thought…"

"No! Go away!" Beau ran as fast as his cold legs would allow, but India caught up with him in no time.

"Why in the world? You don't even have shoes! Come here Beau, we're going home. Hurry up or you'll catch your death."

"I don't wanna home!" He screamed. "You're mean! Aunt Scarlett is nice! She doesn't scold me all the time! She was the only grown-up that was nice to me after Mother's death! You and Father always yell at me and I don't like it! And you won't even let me play with Wade and Ella! You're mean! You're mean!"

"I'm mean? What are you talking about? I love you! I'm not letting you play with Wade for your own good! Beau, LISTEN TO ME!"

But Beau ignored her and continuously yelled "LEMME GO! LEMME GO!"

"We're going home whether you like it or not Beau." India muttered under her breath. Tears were welling up in her eyes. Melanie had always loved Scarlett more than everyone, even if Scarlett was in love with Ashley. Melanie had almost hated India when she told everyone about what happened before Ashley's party at the mill. But Melanie was probably too kind to ever truly hate anyone, even yankees. Melanie was such an angel. If it hadn't been for Scarlett… And now, even Beau was taking Scarlett's side. Why did so many persons love that vicious, fast woman? Melanie, Ashley, Beau, Pitty, even that Butler man. And of course, there had also been Stu. Scarlett O'Hara had ruined India's life, and India loathed her with a passion. She would do anything in her power to make Scarlett suffer, but the battle was too unequal for her standing a chance to win. Scarlett was wealthier, prettier, wittier, more charming, and generally likeable. India was just a poor, ugly old maid that everyone respected but no one really liked. She was too austere for friends. No wonder Beau liked Scarlett better.

"Ashley, I found him!" India shouted, trying not to let her voice shake and holding Beau tightly so the writhing child wouldn't escape from her grasp.

* * *

Beau stayed home for two days because of a severe cold. Not that he would have been allowed to go outside anyway. He was grounded for two months (might as well be two years) and he was bored out of his wits. He disliked India more than ever and worst of all, he was sick. Very sick. He really should have brought a coat and closed the window.

Wade and Ella wanted to call on him to see if he was all right, but Scarlett refused. The children still remembered Mother screaming ferociously at Aunt India, and decided not to argue. Ella started singing again and learned "When This Cruel War Is Over". She could also play Lorena rather well on the piano. Her voice had become a lot better than when she had first tried to sing, which made Scarlett think that Ella might catch an acceptable husband after all. She was still as plain as before, but if she had enough charm, and if she could sing well enough, she would have a chance. Most men never realize whether a girl is pretty or not as long as the girl makes them believe she was beautiful. It was fairly easy to make the average man believe in anything at all if you knew how to flirt properly. Scarlett was a living proof of it.

Wade though, was harder to ease than Ella. He was restless and agitated most of the time, and wondered whether Beau's illness was grave or not. No one would tell him. Mother didn't know, and was too proud to ask, and Mammy wasn't sure either. Hopefully it was just a little cold and Beau would be up and running in a few more days. Hopefully, the adults would let Beau come to the Butler's home from time to time after he got better. Perhaps everything would go for the best. But somehow he knew it couldn't happen. God knows why disasters keep happening.

A few days passed and Beau wasn't getting any better. Ashley, worried, finally called Doctor Meade. Unfortunately, Beau had pneumonia.

* * *

**Y****up, lulu is still cruel. But that's important for the story and if I'm not cruel, nothing will work. By the way, I'm considering reading Scarlett, is it any good? The critics were pretty mean. I'm not sure if I should read it or not. I'm not even sure if I want to read it. I know that Scarlett dumped her children in Tara and went to Ireland, and I know that almost every original character from Gone With the Wind either dies, or is never seen again except Rhett and Scarlett. I don't know... It honestly doesn't sound very great.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello guys. School just started for a couple of weeks and it's crazy already, can you believe that? Anyways. Here's the chapter I promised a long time ago. Scarlett goes from emo, to not quite as emo, to emo again. And I'm still mean to the characters.**

* * *

Pneumonia! Why, Charlie had died because of pneumonia! How could Beau have pneumonia? How could an innocent flu turn into such a dreadful disease? And what if Beau died? Scarlett was distressed. It was all India's fault! Why couldn't she keep a closer eye on Beau? How could she allow the poor boy to run off on his own in the middle of the night? And in winter? With no coat? It was plain dumb of her. 

She felt an enormous amount of contempt towards India. God was probably punishing India by making Beau ill. It was rather harsh of God to punish Beau at the same time, but India definitely deserved it. Hopefully, Beau wouldn't die because of India.

Scarlett couldn't see why Wade and Ella shouldn't visit the sick boy, but she hesitated on whether she should go or not. She didn't want to see India's lash less visage ever again, but if it was for Beau… Maybe she would go, maybe she wouldn't. She didn't quite know yet. Oh, fiddle-dee-dee, she'd think about it tomorrow, she had a headache today. And she still needed to go to Ashley's mills. Ashley was too busy sitting next to Beau's bed looking dejected to care about his job. Not that he had ever really cared about his job since Melly's death, but now, he had forgotten the lumber mill altogether, so Scarlett had to take the business matters in hand, like usual. Ashley was quite lucky he wasn't bankrupt yet. Scarlett managed to win a little bit of money for him during his days of absence.

One morning, Scarlett woke up with her mind made up. She would go today. She didn't know why she was so decided, but she knew she would go, and India could rot in Halifax for all she cared. Yes, she would go. Nothing could stop Scarlett when her mind was made up, except maybe Rhett Butler. But God knew he didn't count. The countless letters she had sent to Pauline and Eulalie remained fruitless, and she still had no idea where in the world he could be. She pushed the thought out of her mind. There was no point in worrying about Rhett when Beau was the one that needed worrying.

"Wade! Ella! We're calling on Uncle Ashley and Beau today!" Scarlett called. " Mammy! Where are you? Go tell Pork to get the carriage ready."

* * *

Ashley was sitting next to Beau's bed, looking dejected. Beau was taken by loud fits of coughs and the medicine Dr. Meade had prescribed didn't seem to work. Ashley felt like he was suspended between time and space, that Beau's coughing would never stop, that he would be forever gnawed by guilt because of his uselessness, and his drunkenness, and so many other stupid things. For example, would Melanie hate him for neglecting Beau like he had? Of course she wouldn't, Melanie would rather hate anyone in the world but him. Would Beau get better? Would he die? Ashley didn't know why, but he felt confusedly the answer was yes. Beau would die. Ella suddenly ran into the room and yelled "Beau!" followed closely by Wade. Scarlett hurried behind, telling them to quiet down. 

"Hello Scarlett." He's voice was weary.

"Uncle Ashley, how is he?" Wade had an anguished expression on his little face. Ella was chattering to Beau happily and playing with the medicine bottle, glad to see him again. Mother had said that Beau wouldn't die, that it was just a little pneumonia, and that he would be fine very soon. She had ended up believing her mother. Wade hadn't.

"Is India here?" Scarlett whispered.

"Obviously. Where else could she be?" Ashley whispered back.

Scarlett had hoped that India might not be there today. Although if she didn't stay too long, Scarlett wouldn't necessarily have to see her. Where was she anyway?

Just at that moment, as though a sixth sense had told her that the enemy was on her territory, India entered the room. She was white with rage.

"How can you come into my house. Scarlett? You of all people!? Don't you dare ever come back here you scalawag, you white trash, you traitor!"

"How is it _your _house India? This is Ashley and Melanie's house. You were the one KICKED OUT OF THIS HOUSE! You should get out, not me!" For India, this punch was a low punch. "And you can't even keep an eye on a little boy! Why did you let him run out without a coat? It's your fault he's sick!" This was even more below the belt. "What would Melanie say if she knew? God, she would never forgive you! You make her son miserable, you call her sister-in-law "white trash", and now Melly's son is sick because of you, and instead of at least trying to take care of him like Ashley does, you run in and yell at me! I only wanted to see how he was!" It took India all of self-control not to lounge at Scarlett and slap her. Instead, she yelled.

"I'd rather see Beau dead than see him being poisoned by you and your unladylike ways! You vicious viper, I wasn't lying when I told everyone of your adultery! You were in love with Ashley and you know it! Low-down sinner! Filthy bad woman!"

"IF I'M IN LOVE WITH ASHLEY WHY DIDN'T I MARRY HIM?! IF I'M REALLY DIVORCED, WHY DIDN'T WE MARRY IMMEDIATELY??!! GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, I DESPISE HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE! AND I DESPISE YOU EVEN MORE! YOU'VE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL YOU UGLY OLD GOOSE! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE NO ONE LOVED YOU ENOUGH TO MARRY YOU! YOU JUST HATE ME BECAUSE EVERYONE YOU LOVED ALWAYS LIKED ME BETTER!"

India had lost the battle. She walked out of the room, anger written clearly over her features. Scarlett sat down, heaving with rage. Why wouldn't Ashley say anything?

The stupid coward. Wade was patting Beau's hand worriedly and Ella was licking the spoon Beau usually used to take his syrup. She made a grimace.

"This stuff is disgusting!" Ella groaned.

"I know," Beau wheezed with effort. "I hate it."

"I've heard that the more disgusting medication is, the better it works. You have to kill all the bad things that causes the cough. And if it's bitter, the bad things in your throat will go away because they only like sugar." Wade answered with an all-knowing tone.

"That's so not true!"

"Yes it is!"

Scarlett sighed. Coming hadn't been a good idea at all. "Let's go." She told her children decisively.

* * *

Ella had pneumonia. 

How could God be so cruel? How could He? Was he punishing Scarlett for her past and present sins? Or did he simply dislike Ella?

Scarlett should have seen it coming. She couldn't possibly be happy. Ever. It was her destiny to be bitter and mean. Even when she wasn't even happy (how could she be happy with Rhett gone?) God had to make sure he kill any chances she had of ever being carefree and joyful.

Beau wasn't going to die. He was already sitting up in his bed and complaining about having to stay in the bedroom all day long. Ella though… The Lord wouldn't spare Ella. Scarlett knew he wouldn't. Ella would die, poor innocent little thing, just like Ellen and Melanie had died. She remembered how she had wished Ella had died after Bonnie's accident. And she felt even more ashamed of herself than she already was.

Her only hope was Rhett. She didn't know why, but she believed that if Rhett came, maybe, only maybe, Ella would have a chance. If he didn't, Ella was condemned. It was just an abstract thought in her subconscious, but somehow Scarlett became even more obsessed in finding Rhett than before (if it was possible), and she wrote tons of telegrams to anyone she could think of. Lawyer, Bank, Aunts Pauline and Eulalie, Mrs. Butler, Miss Butler even… Nothing. Ella, poor thing, would die without seeing her (step) father again.

Scarlett hated herself for it. She didn't know why, but she felt horribly responsible for that too.

She sat next to Ella's bed crying her eyes out, while Mammy tried to convince her that Ella would be fine and that it was none of her fault if she was ill. Who could have known that Ella would catch Beau's pneumonia? There was nothing they could do except pray. So for the first time in years, Scarlett went to a church and prayed. She even confessed herself. It was no good of course. Ella only got worse.

Scarlett needed Rhett. She needed his courage, his stoicism, his kind words, even his mean ones would be welcomed in this situation. She wanted him to come back, jibe at her fright, and make everything better. She knew it was a childish wish, that Rhett wouldn't be any good against maladies, but she desperately wanted something to reassure her. Anything. And Rhett was the only option she had left. But it was a very difficult option since she simply couldn't find him. Did Rhett not care about her at all? Did he want to erase her from his life and pretend he never had a wife so much that he had made sure Scarlett wouldn't be able to join him even in emergencies? Worse, what if he had learned about Ella but simply didn't care enough about her to come?

Scarlett had plunged into depression once again. After this short period of near contentment, her world had to be turned upside down once again. Why did it always happen to her? Why? If she couldn't have Rhett's love, she should at least keep her children… How she had hated kids before! Now, they were about the only thing she lived for. Except for Rhett, of course. But he didn't count.

Finally, out of desperation, she swallowed her pride and decided to ask for Belle Watling's help.

* * *

. 

What a terribly silly thing to do! Asking Belle's help about Rhett! Belle had looked at her with such pity and contempt, before dismissing her. What a strange situation, a woman asking a prostitute where her husband was! Rhett would probably laugh at her cruelly if he learned about it. But he would never know, goddamn him. She was now sure that she would never see her husband again. The Lord would never let it happen. After all, why would Belle help her? And did Belle even know where he was? Even if she did know Rhett's location, she would never tell him. They had always hated each other secretly, even though they had actually met each other only a few times.

So Scarlett waited by Ella's bed. She waited for Ella to die, to live, for a miracle to happen, for anything to happen... But Ella's cough wasn't subsiding, and her chest pains were only worsening. Scarlett could have sat there dumbly like Ashley for only a day, or more than a week, or a year even. She couldn't tell. Time seemed to have stopped, just like it had stopped when Melanie had given birth to Beau, so long ago.

"Mother?" Ella managed to say between two fits of cough.

"Yes darling?"

"Tell me the story."

Tell her the story? Now? She nearly laughed. God really had a cruel sense of humor.

"When I married your father," Scarlett whispered, stroking Ella's hair, "I was very scared. The Yankees could take everything I had from me anytime they wanted. Frank had a shop, and we were getting along, but I didn't think we made enough money. There were very high taxes for Tara and I didn't want to become penniless." She sighed. How dumb and disagreeable she must have been at that time. "I bought a sawmill, and I went there often. You're father didn't like it. It's around that time that I had you, Ella."

"How did my father die, mother?" Ella asked weakly. Scarlett was surprised to see that she was still awake.

"One day I… I was attacked by evil men on my way to the mill. Big Sam saved me. You remember big Sam, Ella? He was a very big Negro. Frank was in the Ku Klux Klan, and he… well…" How could she explain it to a child? "He died that day. He just wanted to avenge me, I suppose. Rhett saved Uncle Ashley, and Doctor Meade, and Uncle Henry, and plenty of others, but he couldn't save Frank and Tom." She sighed. They had died because of her. "A while later, Rhett proposed to me. I was surprised but I said yes."

"And you married, and lived happily ever after." Ella mumbled.

"Yes," Scarlett whispered back, "we lived happily ever after." She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Miss Scarlett?" Mammy suddenly yelled, breaking the gloomy silence that had reigned in the house since Ella was sick. Her voice sounded strangely excited. "Miss Scarlett!"

"Yes Mammy?" She called back tiredly, not even bothering to get up. She heard the door opening behind her.

"How is Ella?" Rhett asked Scarlett worriedly.

* * *

**Cliffy! I updated pretty fast didn't I? Typhoon Wipha hit Shanghai today and school was cancelled, so I spent the whole day typing on my laptop. I probably won't post anything for a week though, since I'm going on a trip this Friday. Ever heard of Guilin? Me neither. But they say it's pretty there. I don't really like this chapter, most of it was garbage and Scarlett turned into a wimpy depressive crybaby again, but hey, Rhett's back! What more could you want?**

**Edit: I reread that, and corrected some stuff I didn't like and a few typos. After reading this three times, there are still mistakes. Geez it's depressing. Maybe I should reread the whole thing just in case.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yup, that gal that writes that bad Gone with the Wind fic is back. I've got a huge cut on my left hand and it's uncomfortable for typing, but I've no school for a week, so I have time for updates. I'm feeling pretty nervous right now. How am I supposed to write about Rhett Butler? I mean, _Rhett Butler_. Gah. I really want to keep him in character. I made Scarlett act unlike her on purpose, but with Rhett, I'll cry in frustration if he ends up being OOC. Gosh, I have writer's block already. This is going to be painful to write. OK, let's get to work.  
**

Rhett. Oh God.

For a moment Scarlett thought she would faint. She had trouble breathing, and her heart had started beating at an alarming speed. Rhett came back! He came back! She was almost scared of turning around, in case it was just to realize that she had dreamed the voice out of exhaustion. But she hadn't. Rhett was there, standing in front of her. Looking tired and worried, with his coat still on and a wide panama hat in the hand. Why, she remembered this hat, he had worn it when he had come back from his trip with Bonnie. It reminded her of bittersweet memories, lost forever now. These black eyes, gazing at her again… She had absolutely no idea what to say. So she simply said "Ella has pneumonia. Dr. Meade says it's serious." It didn't sound like her own voice at all.

Rhett took in her haggard appearance and frowned a little. Scarlett blushed when she thought about how unkempt she looked. But he walked towards the bed and touched Ella's small forehead. "How serious is it?" His voice was smooth, and flat, and low. How incredible to hear his voice again!

Scarlett wanted to throw herself into his arms, to kiss him until she died of asphyxia, to tell him she loved him again and again until the end of the world… "Rhett came back!" her brain repeated again and again, unable to believe the information.

"Scarlett?"

"I love you." She blurted out without thinking. She regretted two seconds after, when she realized she had spoken it out loud.

He sighed wearily, as though he had expected her to say something similar. "I thought we had been through this topic already, my dear. I see no need to repeat the conversation again. I know you love me and you know I don't love you, and that hasn't changed since the day Mrs. Wilkes died. Now pray tell, how serious is Ella's illness?"

"She might die." Why wouldn't he stop being so cold?

"Is it all?" He seemed to be growing somewhat impatient because of her stupid responses.

"Oh Rhett, I missed you so! Why was it so hard to contact you? Where were you all this time? I tried all I could to get to you but no one knew where you were, not even your mother!"

"I was in France. Then I went to New York for business, and Savannah and plenty of other old places with history where people are still gentlemen and I'm still generally not received."

"I am so glad you are here Rhett. You have no idea how I missed…" She hesitated. Telling him how much she had missed him, how she had cried over him, and how sad she had been because of his departure was most likely a bad idea. Of course Rhett didn't love her. Of course it was dumb of her to think he could ever love her again. Why must she make a fool of herself? Rhett obviously hadn't come for her, but for Ella. But she was bursting to tell him that she loved him, to please forgive her… No. He would only pity her.

They said nothing for a while. Scarlett took time to study him, and he looked older than before. She could see the first grey hairs forming at the temples, and he had bags under the eyes. He looked obviously less healthy than before, and Scarlett knew he had probably been drinking as much as Ashley, if not more. An immense wave of sadness and guilt washed over her. "I've done it." She thought painfully. "It's my fault. If I had discovered I loved him sooner, we would all have been so happy! If I hadn't been so mean to him, I bet he wouldn't have spoiled Bonnie so much either. And she wouldn't have died then. I can't believe I actually accused him of killing Bonnie. Oh God, I'm a cad." She hated herself, like usual. She felt her vision blurring from the tears. No! She wouldn't cry in front of Rhett, not now, when he'd just come back.

Rhett looked at her with impersonal curiosity. He had lighted a cigar, and was smoking calmly while surveying Ella's coughing fits. He opened his mouth and asked conversationally "Tell me, Scarlett, why are you still wearing black? I thought you would get rid of the color as soon as possible. After all, it has been a while since Bonnie and Mrs. Wilkes's death."

"I wanted to wear black." She replied, her voice shaking slightly. There was another uncomfortable silence following her answer.

"Rhett," Scarlett suddenly said, "in the end, who told you that Ella was sick? You see, I asked everyone I could think of about you and none of them helped me." The question was innocent enough, yet Rhett began looking slightly uncomfortable.

"It was Belle." He said bluntly, avoiding her eyes.

"Belle." It was barely a whisper. So that prostitute knew about Rhett's location when his wife had no idea? Scarlett felt indignation, but most of all she felt humiliated. Rhett cared more about Belle Watling than her. Belle could join Rhett wherever he was if she wanted; while she, Scarlett, had almost begged to be able to inform her husband of an emergency. Maybe they had a correspondence. Maybe Rhett had written everything about Scarlett to her. Maybe Belle had told Rhett about Ella's pneumonia simply to rub it in Scarlett's face. No, she mustn't think about such things. Rhett was back, it was all that mattered. She inspired as deeply as she could to calm herself. She could smell the familiar odor of cigars, brandy and horses that had always accompanied Rhett, and somehow she suddenly felt much safer, and more tranquil. Rhett was there, Ella had a chance to live. Belle Watling could go to the devil. At least that's how she tried to convince herself.

"Well, Belle doesn't matter. It's none of my business who you decide to be friend with." She said decisively. "What's important is that you're here. Thank you for coming Rhett. I am sure Ella would be glad if… When she's better." She tried to make her voice sound polite and grateful.

"You look rather unhealthy yourself, my dear. Did you decide to stop wearing rouge at the same time you decided to wear black?"

Scarlett was slightly taken aback. Usually, Rhett would have had sarcasm in his voice, but now, he sounded merely bored and slightly curious. She wasn't sure if he was teasing her or not. It was more as though he was talking business with a stranger than asking an embarrassing question to a woman that happened to be his wife. Scarlett hadn't expected Rhett's coming back to be this way. What had she expected? She didn't know either. She had simply thought that she would never see him again. Now that she did see him again, she was disappointed to see him being so cold. Which she had to admit, was rather stupid. Rhett wasn't the old jeering Rhett that loved her anymore. That Rhett would never come back. But still, in a corner of her heart, she had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he would love her again if he ever did come back to her.

Rhett, who wasn't exactly waiting for an answer, asked her "Where shall I sleep, Scarlett?"

Scarlett snapped out of her thoughts "Oh, wherever you'd like. After all this is your house."

He chuckled grimly. "Is it? Well, may I sleep in this room?"

"You want to stay with Ella?" Scarlett was slightly surprised.

"Yes, just in case anything happens to her." He threw a sad glance at Ella's dozing body. Even in her sleep she was coughing. "I daresay it's about time you had some rest too, honey. You look absolutely awful." Honey? He had called her honey?

She looked up at him, hoping to see the faintest trace of fondness in his big black eyes, but instead all she met was pity and kindness. She gritted her teeth. Not pity and kindness again! Anything but pity and kindness! Thank god there was no contempt in his eyes, at least. But still, how could she be satisfied with mere pity when she loved him so? But she wouldn't deserve Rhett's affection anyway, so why be angry? Scarlett sighed. She was incredibly confused and disappointed. Yet she was also happy and ecstatic. She really needed to sort out her jumbled up feelings. God, she felt exhausted now. She had felt exhausted for a long time already, but without paying attention to it.

"I agree. I think I could use a little nap." She stood up clumsily, her muscles sore from sitting to long. Scarlett walked slowly, unsteadily to her room, feeling tired to the bones. She closed the door absently, suddenly fell in a heap on the floor, and began sobbing for no apparent reason.

* * *

Rhett woke up with a start. He noticed two things. First, that he had fallen asleep in the armchair. Second, that Scarlett was screaming like a pig in an abattoir. Mammy was moving towards her mistress's bedroom as fast as her weight would permit, yelling "Doan cry Miss Scarlett! Mammy's comin'! Mammy's hyah, stop hollerin' mah lamb!"

Ella was awakened by her mother's shrieking, and seeing her step-father sitting next to her looking baffled, she murmured "Uncle Rhett? You came back to see me?" at the same time Rhett stood up.

"What? Oh Ella, you're awake. How do you feel?" He said absently, still wondering what in the world was wrong with Scarlett.

"I feel bad." She coughed a little before saying "Mother's alright, Uncle Rhett, she screams and cries like that nearly every night."

"Does she? Why is that?"

"I don't know." She coughed again. "She's never told me. My chest hurts a lot."

"I suggest you go back to sleep, sweetheart. The pain will go away if you sleep." Poor Ella. To think that she might die… Scarlett would lose both her daughters. Not that Scarlett had ever particularly cared about Ella. Thugh she did look as though she had been sitting next to Ella's bed for a long time when he had come in. Probably without eating and resting too. When had Scarlett developed such affection towards Ella?

It seemed like Ella fell back to sleep only moments later. Rhett slipped out of the child's room stealthily just in time to see Mammy going down the stairs. "Mammy?" He called as loudly as he dared without waking anyone.

"Yessah?"

"Why in the world was Scarlett screaming like that?" He whispered quickly.

"She done got a nitemare. Ev'y nite Miss Scarlett hollers an' screems lak dat. She neber tole me whut the nitemare wuz, but Ah knows it's 'bout fog. Ah doan know whut's so bad 'bout some lil' fog, but Miss Scarlett she's sceered of it."

"Fog." So Scarlett's old dream had come back. He wondered if it was his fault. Partially, maybe. "Tell me Mammy, when did she start having those nightmares about fog?"

"Oh, she done got dose dreems long ago. Ah 'member in Tara durin' war, she done got nitemares. But naw she got dem agin, an' dis time she screems lak lil' Miss Bonnie screemed w'en the lites went out an' she wus 'fraid of de dark. Ah've neber seen Miss Scarlett cry, Mist. Rhett, but she allus cries naw, an' she…" Suddenly Mammy remembered something.

"Mist. Rhett, Miss Scarlett tole me dat ya wants ter divorce her. S'dat so?" Her expression suddenly turned from worried to suspicious.

It was the first time in Mammy's life that she ever saw Rhett Butler looking embarrassed. Maybe it was just her imagination, but the man seemed almost ashamed. "Listen Mammy, it's not like you think. You see, Scarlett and I had a little discussion, from which we came to the conclusion that it would be better for all of us if I went away for some time." It was only half a lie. "Evidently, we were both chagrined about the separation, but she refused a divorce and I assure you that we…"

"She r'fused the divorce!" Mammy yelled. "Dat meens dat some'un done ask her fer a divorce! So ya do want ter divorce her, Mist. Rhett!"

"Yes." He replied brusquely. Mammy looked at him with eyes as round as dishes, her mouth wide open. "I do want a divorce. But Scarlett will nev…"

All of a sudden, Wade started crying, interrupting Rhett. He had run out of his room when he'd recognized Uncle Rhett's voice talking to Mammy on the top of the stairs, but they had been talking about divorcing… Uncle Rhett divorcing Mother!

Rhett silently picked up the little boy in pajamas, and threw a glance to Mammy that clearly asked for a truce. Mammy nodded and walked away, swearing to herself that she would continue the conversation later. Why did Wade seem to interrupt her every time she started arguing about divorces?

"You can't do that Uncle Rhett! What are we gonna do without you? Mother will die if you do that to her! You can't be that mean to Mother! Please Uncle Rhett…"

"Hush Wade. You know your Mother, she wouldn't _let_ me do that to her. If I asked her now, she'd probably slap me and tell me I'm a cad, and we would have an argument about whose fault it is that Bonnie died, but in the end I wouldn't be able to get a divorce."

"You… Really? You're not lying?"

"Why would I lie to you my boy? And after all, you know your Mother's personality as well as me."

"But you really want a divorce, don't you Uncle Rhett? You don't love Mother anymore?"

"No." He said with a patient voice. His eyes, oddly, were gentle. "Sometimes adults stop loving each other, Wade. And your mother and I stopped loving each other"

"But Aunt Suellen and Uncle Will don't love each other and they don't want a divorce! Why must you?" He was sure Mother still loved uncle Rhett. He was absolutely certain. But apparently Uncle Rhett didn't love Mother anymore.

Rhett sighed. "You're too young to understand Wade. Good Lord, you shouldn't even know what a divorce is, at your age." Wade blushed a little.

"I think you should go to sleep, Wade. Good night." Rhett said in a final tone. Wade was only half reassured, but he complied, feeling more confused than ever.

Rhett Butler looked at his wife's bedroom door. There were still sniffles coming from behind it. His face was as blank and as devoid of expression as possible, and it was impossible to exactly tell what he was thinking. He stood in the corridor for a long moment, gazing at the door intently, as though brooding whether to go in or not. Finally he sighed, shook his head, and went back noiselessly into Ella's bedroom.

**This is junk, rubbish and crap. Crap crap crap crap and crap. If you guys are disappointed by the chapter, I want you to know that I'm probably way unhappier with this chappie than all you readers combined. I tried to make it readable. I really did! AARRggh!!! slams head against wall. WHY IS THIS CHAPTER SO BAD???!!! I wish I could steal Cornomara's brain for a while, just long enough to write this chapter. Or Myra2003's, or Joyce Lakee's, or … I dunno, anyone that can actually write properly. (Apparently, it doesn't include me. I feel like going emo.)**

**By the way, I dumbly forgot to thank the readers in previous chapters. Thank you reviewers, you know who you are so there's no need to name you, thank you people that read everything and never review, thank you people that read it even when it sucks and even though they could be reading fics 65345 times better than mine instead of wasting their time, and thank you famous GWTW fanfiction authors that don't tell me I suck because they want to show mercy on my feelings. Thank yous to everyone. And I actually mean it.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Wow. The response I got from last chapter was overwhelming. I got way more reviews than usual, everyone told me I was too hard on myself, and Cornorama wrote me a very long review that basically said "Stop whining, you douche!" I am very honored. I even got my first flame! Isn't that exciting? I don't know if it's mean enough to be considered flames though (it didn't even criticize the story, but instead told me that I really should stop complaining. I kinda agree.) What do people usually do with those? Delete 'em? Rant about it?! I don't know. Anyways, to reward you guys, I'll work as hard as I can on the story and I'll do my very best with this chapter. And in this one there's DRAMA!!! Wee. And yes, I'm still mean to the characters. Hey, by the way, if I make any mistakes about the pneumonia, tell me. I looked on wikipedia, but I'm still not sure if it's OK.**

* * *

Before Ella died, Scarlett and Rhett sat together next to her bed, mostly in an awkward silence. Scarlett tried to initiate some kind of conversation, but the longest dialogue they had was:

"Do you think Ella will get better, Rhett?"

"Do you want an honest answer or one that will reassure you?"

"I… I don't think I really want to know anymore."

Silence.

"Ella learned how to play piano, during the time you were gone. She can sing quite well now. I taught her how to sing Lorena and Bonnie Blue flag and a few other songs."

"Really? Well, I would have liked to listen to her play. I never thought Ella would be able to sing or play piano. Or that you would ever teach her."

"Me neither."

"I'm afraid we've been somewhat neglecting your children's education. I never thought of piano lessons for Ella until now. What about Wade?"

"Oh, you know him, he wants to go to Harvard and be a lawyer."

"Why won't you let him? It seems like an achievable goal. And for now I could put him in a good school in New Orleans or…"

"Are you trying to separate my child from me Rhett?! Don't you dare do anything like that! If he goes to New Orleans, I shall never see him and… And…"

"Why in the world are you in such a state? I was making a generous offer. If the boy wants to go to Harvard, why oppose his wish?"

"I just want to keep him close to me."

"Maybe he doesn't want to stay close to you. I know I didn't want to stay close to my mother when I was his age."

Silence.

"Rhett… how could you stay in touch with Belle when you didn't tell me where you were? If I hadn't gone to that creature, you never would have known Ella had pneumonia, and God knows I didn't want to go to that bad woman. If I didn't go, what would have happened?"

"I had no idea Ella would die. If I had, I wouldn't have gone away in the first place."

"RHETT! She's NOT going to die!"

"Indeed, you're right, she definitely isn't."

"And you didn't answer my question."

"I thought you didn't care about the fact that Belle was my friend. Are you jealous my dear?"

"I'm not!"

"I suppose you know how it feels to be really jealous now, my pet. That's how I felt towards Ashley for over a decade."

Silence.

"Rhett, you know I'm sorry."

"Scarlett, you know apologizing is useless."

"Is there anything I can do to… repay you? For being so blind and so mean to you for all these years?"

"Well, a divorce would be quite useful, in my opinion."

"What!? But…"

"I knew you would refuse."

Silence.

"Do you really hate me that much, Rhett?"

"Oh, I don't hate you my dear. I merely stopped caring about you. And being no longer married to you would make me a lot less obligated to you. I wouldn't have to worry about you, or think about you, or have anything to do with you. That would be quite pleasant."

"You'd do anything to get rid to me, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, Scarlett. I'm sure I would."

And Scarlett started crying quietly, holding her tears as much as she could. She stopped trying to start any kind of conversation with him after this.

Wade clung to Rhett like a shadow as soon as he came out of Ella's room. He didn't dare go in because of his unreasoned fear of death, but he couldn't leave Rhett alone when he was outside since his step-father was most likely going away again very soon. It made Scarlett feel faintly sad. After all the time she had spent trying to be a good Mother for Wade, he still preferred Rhett. But she was far to concerned about Ella to worry too much about it.

Neither Scarlett nor Rhett noticed Ella was gone until several minutes after her death. She had stopped coughing; making Scarlett think she was probably feeling better. The problem was that Ella had also stopped breathing.

* * *

Everyone came to Ella's funeral, even the Old Cats, Beau, and India. Mrs. Meriwether decided to go for Captain Butler's sake, since everyone knew he had loved Scarlett's children like his own. The rest of the old ladies followed, most of them for the exact same reason. It was obvious that the Butlers were not divorced since Captain Butler was home once more, and some of the Old Guard affirmed that Scarlett was respectable again. After all, she had done nothing disgraceful since Melly's death. She was seen in church, once, she had taken care of Beau until India forbid it, she took her children out shopping and playing (something that only Captain Butler used to do with Bonnie), she had actually worn mourning like she was supposed to, and strangely, she had become a lot less sociable. Yes, Scarlett had changed, and she looked visibly shaken by her daughter's death. Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Whiting both agreed to be polite to her and to call on her in the future.

India didn't let Beau go to the funeral and the child had sobbed and screamed and kicked until Ashley told India angrily to let the boy do what he wanted, for God's sake. India finally agreed, but with conditions. Beau wasn't allowed to go in the Butler's house, to talk to them, or to have any kind of contact with them. Beau had no choice but to accept. India had his hand in her grip, and Beau glanced at her white face fearfully from time to time. Ashley didn't quite know what to make of it.

Scarlett stood next to Rhett in the chilly December morning, Wade hiccoughing softly next to them. Scarlett wasn't crying, and she refused to cry in front of so many people. She looked as though she was made of stone. Her face was stuck in a painful scowl, and she ignored everyone and stood erect and immobile except for a few nods from time to time when someone talked to her.

Scarlett hated God. She hated the world. She hated everything. Why Ella? A darling, innocent, plain, little angel like Ella? Why did it have to be her? Why her child?

Rhett, though, had known Ella would die. He had had a talk with Dr. Meade, because Scarlett didn't really know anything about Ella's actual state (Dr. Meade didn't have the heart to tell her the truth). And Ella couldn't have survived. Her survival would have been a miracle. But God would never grant miracles to a bunch of sinners like the Butlers, would he? And now, another little was girl dead. But the cruelty of the world knew no bounds, so the death of two little girls in a row wasn't much.

Once Scarlett returned home, she immediately climbed up the stairs and disappeared from sight. Wade followed her hesitantly until he realized she was going to the ballroom. At that point he went back to call for Rhett.

"The years creep slowly by, Lorena,  
Snow is on the grass again;  
The sun's low down the sky, Lorena,  
The frost gleams where the flowers have been" Scarlett suddenly sang.

Rhett, Wade and Mammy stood by the door, transfixed by Scarlett's soft voice. Scarlett ignored them and played steadily, beautifully, her voice not shaking at all, the music resonating in the empty ballroom. She wanted to play perfectly, for Ella.

"It matters little now, Lorena,  
The past is in the eternal past;  
Our hearts will soon lie low, Lorena,  
Life's tide is ebbing out so fast.  
There is a future, oh, thank God!  
Of life this is so small a part,  
'Tis dust to dust beneath the sod,  
But there, up there, 'tis heart to heart."

Scarlett finally stopped playing, her fingers resting softly on the piano keys. She simply sat, looking at nothing in particular, with three worried persons on the doorsill giving her odd looks but not daring to enter. She remembered Ella singing as loudly as she could in the house until her throat became sore and she was forced to stop. Why, the way those three stood there dumbly reminded her of the first time she had played Lorena in the ballroom, except that instead of Ella, it was Rhett standing there. And Rhett probably wasn't going to comfort her at all. The Rhett that used to comfort her had gone a long time ago, when Bonnie died. When Bonnie had died, Rhett's love had died too, she realized it now. And when Ella had died, Scarlett's hopes for happiness were gone forever. She still had Wade. Thank God for Wade. But Wade loved Rhett more than his own Mother, and he would probably go to some big Yankee school, and then what? She would see her son about twice a year, and the rest of the time she would roam the big empty house. Alone. Unloved. With nothing to live for but Wade coming home for Christmas and the dumb hope that Rhett might visit her someday.

"Mammy?"

"Yas'm?" Mammy instantly asked.

"I'm going to Tara tomorrow. I need to have my bags packed." She stood up and strolled out of the room, Rhett, Mammy and Wade's stupefied glances following her. There were teardrops on the keys.

Mammy walked down the stairs and went into Scarlett's bedroom wordlessly. She hugged Scarlett tightly, as if she was consoling a baby, and Scarlett finally allowed herself to cry on Mammy's chest.

Rhett said nothing. He simply put on a cape and went out to Belle's saloon.

* * *

Scarlett woke up screaming in the middle of the night because of her old nightmare and couldn't remember when she had fallen asleep. But now that she was awake, she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. She knew she needed some alcohol. She had stopped drinking for what felt like an eternity, but she absolutely needed a good brandy now. More than one. Actually, she wanted to drink until insensibility, become as silently and morosely drunk as Rhett after Bonnie' death. It wasn't as though anyone would care anyway. Hopefully no one would even notice. After all, Mammy hadn't even rushed to her bedroom when she had screamed tonight.

Scarlett went down the stairs as silently as she could until she realized there was a light in the dinning room. Rhett? She had an uneasy feeling of déjà vu, but she still climbed down the stairs and opened the door, driven by curiosity. And Rhett was indeed there, apparently trying to drink himself into oblivion. "Pray join me, Mrs. Butler." He said nonchalantly when he saw her. His voice was thick. Scarlett was suddenly afraid. It was the exact same thing he'd said last time… But she simply sat next to him and poured herself a glass of liquor. She downed it immediately and poured another one.

"Why are you here on this fine evening, my dear?" He asked distantly.

"I wanted a drink. Drinking alone ruins people's reputations so I might as well drink with you."

"I see. So I am a drinking fellow, eh?" He chuckled softly.

"I want to forget Ella." She whispered.

"Oh yes. You want to forget Ella. When did you start giving a damn about the little brat?"

"Rhett!" She yelled in surprise and indignation.

"Hell, when did you start giving a damn about anyone, my little selfish vixen? As far as I know, everyone could go to hell as long as you had your stinking money. Why the change, now?" His voice was strangely cold, instead of being full of sarcasm like before.

"I… I did not! How dare you?" She sputtered.

"How dare I? Why, I'm still your husband, I'm allowed to tell disagreeable truths if I like. But of course, you can divorce me. I'll be out of the way forever, you can marry someone else if you want, and you'll get your pretty paws on a beautiful share of my money. What else could Scarlett O'Hara want?" He gulped down more drinks.

"I don't care about your goddamned money anymore. I've grown up." She tried desperately to defend herself. But in arguments like these, Rhett practically always had the upper hand; she knew it from personal experience.

"Grown up? How sad. I suppose that now all you wish for is my eternal love?" He sneered.

Scarlett couldn't believe how quickly everything had degenerated. First he had been more or less polite. Distant but polite. Now, he said the most cutting things he could think of, and she hadn't even done anything to anger him. What was wrong with him?

"Rhett, you know I love you. I could never be happy without you. It's the truth! I never really loved Ashley! You have to believe me!"

"Naïve little child."

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you. You just transferred your stupid little infatuation from Ashley to me. You don't love me. You just need something to live for and fight for, and love is a good enough reason for you. And I just happen to be unavailable for loving. You always want the things that you can't have, Scarlett. And once you get them…" He drank again.

Scarlett was seething with rage, indignation, and mostly sadness. She had cried for him! She had pitied him and felt so guilty because of what she ad done! Now, he insulted her love! She was about to yell at him when she realized that she had been just as mean to Rhett before Melly's death, if not worse. All her talk about loving Ashley, all the cutting things she had said and how she had wanted to make Rhett love her so she would have some power over him looked so selfish and inhuman. So she said nothing and drank instead. Hopefully Rhett didn't actually think of her so badly. Maybe it was just the alcohol.

"Once you get everything you want, you realize you don't need them, and they lose their value. And all the things you lose, you never realize you had them until they're gone. And then you regret. You take so much for granted, Scarlett."

"I know. Mammy told me."

Rhett downed another glass. And another. "You know, sometimes I think you're a demon sent up to Earth to punish us." His voice was even thicker and softer than before. He sounded more as though he was talking to himself than to Scarlett. "Everyone 'round you ended up horrible. Your ma died, pa died, sister went to convent and the other one you stole her fiancé. Frank and Charles are dead, Melly died, Ashley, Beau and India are all miserable, Ella's dead, Wade scared of his own mother, Bonnie's dead and I'm a broken-hearted wretch. You must be cursed or something. Goddamned witch." He had enumerated everyone calmly, quietly, almost coldly, yet for Scarlett it was as though he had yelled every single one of these names, their echoes resounding in her brain like the sound of an organ in a cathedral.

"Goddamned witch." He repeated. "Devil sent you to punish me, didn't he? Well, I tell you, you did a real good job ruining my life. If I had never met you, I'd probably still be out there, unmarried, frolicking around with woman and still feelin' young at forty-five. Now I'm an alcoholic, stuck with you as my wife, my daughter's dead. You a mighty cunning demoness." He drank even more.

"Rhett. How can you say such things?" She whispered with a strangled voice. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and into her neck. Rhett didn't mean it. He didn't. He was just drunk and bitter. But when Rhett was drunk and bitter, he usually said the truth, what he really thought. Not lies. Not terrible insults like these.

He laughed. It was a very frightening laugh. "If only you weren't so charming! You know all the ways to get a man, and once you get those men, you torment them as much as you can for your own lil' pleasure. You couldn't get Ashley Wilkes, so you made a merry hell for him, and you tempted him until he was broken. Hell, you even managed to make me fall for you. That's a feat in itself, ain't it darling? And God knows you've made a merry hell for me too. I doubt anyone else could've done a better work. Now, when you saw that I was escaping your grasp, you kill your daughter to make me come back to you and taunt me with your green eyes and red lips and pretty charming face. Trying to make me fall for you all over again, eh? Won't work. I won't let you break my heart again, my pet."

He stood up, and said "Personally, I think it's time for me to go to bed, Mrs. Butler. Have a good night." And he walked unsteadily out of the room. In his state, it was surprising that he could even stand without falling. Scarlett though, simply sat there for what seemed like hours, before finally putting her head in her hands and sobbing her heart out until morning.

* * *

**Longest chapter yet, I think. And it actually turned out somewhat like what I wanted, which is already as good as possible in my humble opinion. Usually my stuff turns out to be completely different from what I'd predicted. It annoys me. And yes, I killed Ella, it was planned from the beginning. A lot of what happened in this chapter was planned from the beginning too. I'm open for flames (I mean, I sort of killed Ella!) and if you find any typos, please tell me, as usual. I'll give you special thanks or something. By the way, there's supposed to be typos in Rhett's speech in the dinning room, since he's pretty drunk. Gosh, this is the meanest chapter in the whole story (yet). I think the end is near. Only a couple of chapters left. I will finish the story, I swear I won't give up this one (even though I sometimes feel like it). If I ever start complaining again, please remind me I said that.**


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is the reason the story exists in the first place. That's partly why it took me so long to update, since I wanted to make it as good as possible. It was originally supposed to be two chapters, but dropping a cliffy when I knew it would most likely take me a long time to update again made me combine them. The other reason for not updating fast enough is homework (of course).**

**Why am I getting more reviews than usual all of a sudden? Is it because of the drama? I admit that my first chapters were quite boring, with nothing happening at all except Scarlett being angsty. But, this is the end. Last official chapter. If it's rushed though, please tell me, I'm pretty sure I will write an epilogue for you. Please tell me if you want me to add the epilogue or if the ending is OK for you. Or you can tell me you hate it, I don't think I will mind. I just hope it's original and that no one came up with something like this before.  
**

**p.s. Porcelina, I don't mind if you want to criticize/make false accusations, but please next time criticize the story too, that way I can improve it. If you want to continue making somewhat unnecessary comments on my personality and my author notes though, please use my personal E-mail. Or you could always stop reading my ANs. Thank you for reviewing, by the way.**

**p.p.s. Tuduvant, I suggest you don't read this ending. It's for your own good. **

**I warned you.  
**

* * *

"Scarlett?" Rhett peeked inside Scarlett's bedroom. She had stayed in bed until noon and refused to get out, which was why Mammy had concluded she was sick. 

"Are you still going to Tara today, my dear?" He sat on her bed.

"Yes." She said abruptly. She sounded more as though she was trying not to cry than trying not to burst from anger, which wasn't exactly what he had expected. Her face was blank and she was averting his eyes.

"Oh. Is everything packed, then?" He said casually.

"Yes." Scarlett still refused to look at him.

Rhett sighed. Scarlett apparently hated him. And she had every right to do so. When he had come back, he had done everything he could to be disagreeable, that way she would divorce him. But he had to admit that yesterday, he had gone too far even by his own standards. "Listen, I didn't mean what I said yesterday evening. I was quite drunk, as you know, and…"

"Shut up." Scarlett murmured.

"Pardon me?"

"Remember Ashley's birthday, Rhett?" She said with venom. "You apologized, told me you were quite drunk, and acted as though nothing had happened. You are doing the exact same thing right now."

"Your point being?"

"You meant every single word you said." She hissed.

"God-damn it, Scarlett, I told you I didn't mean it! I apologize, all right? I am sorry!"

"'You think by saying I'm sorry, all the errors and hurts from years past can be remedied'…" She answered. "That's what you told me, Rhett. And you're right, like usual. Apologizing is useless."

Rhett was abashed. And quite surprised by the fact that she still remembered so clearly what he had told her so long ago, when Melanie had passed away and he told her he would leave her. It suddenly seemed to him like Bonnie and Melanie had died an eternity ago. A lifetime ago, even. It was almost hard to believe he had ever been happy.

Scarlett chuckled grimly at his astonishment. "I still have your handkerchief, you know." All of a sudden, she looked at him squarely in the eyes. Her delicate features grew hard.

"I ruined your life, didn't I, Rhett?" Rhett didn't answer. "Do you wish you'd never met me? I know I do, I wish that very often." Tears tickled her lashes, but her voice wavered only slightly. "If we'd never met, we both wouldn't be as miserable. I'm a very miserable demon, you know."

She began sobbing and what she mumbled became hard to understand. "God's nightgown, I loved Ella! I loved her! I did, I did. And Wade, I loved him too. I tried, and he's still scared of me! Pa and mother and Melly, I loved them more than I ever told them, and I didn't want Frank to die, no I didn't, I really didn't, I felt so guilty when he died! Everyone else, is it all because of me? It can't be all because of me! I didn't want… I didn't mean to, it can't! And… and I LOVE YOU RHETT!" She suddenly shrieked the last sentence.

"I know." He answered more or less calmly.

"But I ruined your life! I ruined it! And mine too! What's wrong with me? Why? ..." She shrieked tears rolling down her cheeks like rivulets.

"Darling, don't cry." He was not sure how to soothe her. And after all, he was the one responsible for putting her in this state in the first place. For a second, he hesitated on whether or not he should take her in his arms. But he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He really was a cad.

"You are not to blame, my pet." He finally said tiredly, after a long moment of watching her sobbing. "After all, I'm the one who killed Bonnie, am I not?"

Scarlett looked at him, startled. "Rhett! For God's sake, you know you didn't kill her! It wasn't your fault! She wanted to jump, and she was so headstrong, and…"

"Well, if I shouldn't feel guilty, then you neither, I suppose. Sometimes you shouldn't listen to what I say when I don't mean it, my pet."

"But you meant what you said." She replied softly.

Rhett sighed but said nothing.

"I know you meant it. And I know that you don't love me."

He looked at her wet eyes. So green, and so very wet. "I don't love you." He said flatly. He couldn't lie to her. Not now.

"Will you ever forgive me, Rhett?" She whispered.

"Probably not." He slowly responded.

They both stayed quiet for a long moment, staring at each other. Finally Scarlett opened her mouth, and with all the strength she could muster and all the remains of the courage she possessed, she uttered a single sentence.

"I accept." She felt as though those two words had wrenched her heart out of her ribcage.

"Accept what?" He asked, startled.

"The divorce."

She could almost hear her heart breaking into hundreds of pieces like a vase that someone had thrown against a wall.

* * *

Scarlett was waiting for the train. Hopefully, it wouldn't be late. She wanted to arrive at Tara as quickly as possible, and the train couldn't come fast enough. Wade was gripping Rhett's hand and refused to let him go. Who knew when Uncle Rhett would come back? Wade was sure he would go away to Charleston, or London, or wherever he went when he wasn't home once they were at Tara. Scarlett silently agreed. Rhett had come for Ella, not her. Now that Ella was dead too, he would go. There was nothing she could do about it. After all, she most likely wouldn't be his wife for very long after she came back to Atlanta from this trip. 

And who knew if she would ever see him again, then.

She felt weary. She didn't think she had ever felt more tired in her whole life, and even the night when the Yankees took Atlanta seemed less draining than now. She felt so sick of it all. Sick of loving, of hating, of anger, of pity and kindness, of so many other things. But most of all she was tired of life. She could be strong with Melanie standing beside her, her love for Ashley driving her on and Rhett watching over her without her knowledge. Now, she had nothing to fight for, nothing to give her the strength she so desperately needed. Nothing. Tara was Suellen and Will's now. Her parents were dead. Ella and Bonnie had both died and Wade… She would make Rhett send him to a school. If Rhett didn't do it, she would refuse to sign the divorce. Wade would be able to make some friends in a new school, and with Ella gone and Beau not allowed to talk to him, he would be lonely if he stayed with his mother. Scarlett didn't want to send him away, she wanted to keep him as close to her as possible, as long as possible, before having to let him go. But she knew that the child loved Rhett more than his own mother, and the fact that Wade still did not love her after all this time was extremely disappointing. But Scarlett didn't see how she could blame him. She loved Rhett more than herself too.

If only she could have something to fight for, and kill for, and die for. And live for too. That was what she needed right now. Something to live for. She had Rhett to live for, of course, but soon, Rhett wouldn't count anymore. He never did count. After all, when he had loved her, she didn't love him, and when she did love him, he didn't love her. His tone when he had said those few words "I don't love you" had been so final, so unfeeling, so… heartless. Rhett was gone. He was just as dead as Ella. He was just a cold stranger who didn't love her. Oh, God, why must everything be so awful?

If only Ella hadn't died. If only Bonnie and Melanie hadn't died. Maybe they could have been happy. Maybe. But probably not, since a life full of misery seemed to be her fate. Scarlett sighed and scowled at the chilly wind that started blowing at her. She knew she was being weak, but she simply couldn't bring herself to be strong. She had used up all the strength she had left. Gosh, she had changed from silly little Scarlett Kennedy, running sawmills, riding alone in front of free uppity Negroes in her little buggy, ready to do anything as long as Ashley or money were involved. Now, she was a broken and bitter woman, who had boundless contempt for Ashley, despised money far more than poverty, and wouldn't stop ruminating dark thoughts like she was doing right now.

"Miss Scarlett?" Mammy asked hesitantly. "D'you feels all rite mah chile? Ya look lak yo gwine ter be sick wid dis cheelly wind blowin' at ya."

"No Mammy, I'm not all right. I feel terrible." Scarlett groaned.

"Are ya shore ya want ter go ter Tara terday? Ah's t'inkin' ya should go sumday else. Ya kain travel if yo is sick." Mammy looked indignant.

"Yes I can." There was something in her voice that made Mammy stop asking questions.

She finally heard the train coming. A low rumbling sound, like thunder, or the canons during the war. She could see the locomotive, a small spot growing larger and larger, and suddenly, without thinking or planning, she decided she would die today. Right now. It was an incredibly stupid thought, and completely against everything she had ever done, but at that moment, it somehow made sense. She had no idea why, but dying felt like the only option she had left that wasn't going to make her suffer for the next fifty years or so. So what, if suicide was a sin? She had committed enough sins for more than two persons to go to hell, another one would not change anything. And if she didn't die now, she would be divorced, which would not make the Lord any happier.

She started walking towards the train, rapidly, steadily, as though someone else was moving her legs. She could hear Mammy yelling "Whut are ya doin' chile? Git bak' hyah!" Wade starting to whimper in fear, and Rhett's voice hollering "Scarlett!" almost with anger, almost with worry. She almost turned back at Rhett's voice, but she didn't, she couldn't. All she could do was keep her eyes on the train coming towards her, walk forward with her feet tripping occasionally on the tracks, and feel the train coming nearer and nearer, her death coming closer and closer.

She heard quick footsteps behind her, someone yanked her arm roughly and she almost fell down. "What do you think you are doing? Have you lost your mind?" Rhett's voice told her. He pulled her out of the train's path, and she was safe again. The train passed in front of her, loud but inoffensive, not even touching Scarlett. When it finally stopped, she started crying painfully. Mammy ran towards them as fast as possible, yelling "Is Miss Scarlett hu't, Mist' Rhett? Is mah lamb gone crazy Mist' Rhett? Huccome you done dat, honey, it's so danj'rus?" while Wade sprinted in front of her, sick with fear. Not mother too! Wasn't Ella enough?

Scarlett felt Rhett's arms around her, holding her, and she cried on his chest. "For, God's sake my pet, you scared me. Why in the world did you do it? Do you want to die? If you really don't want a divorce, you don't have to accept, I'll understand. And after all, Ella just died a few days ago. You don't have to make it so hard for yourself, darling…" Rhett said softly, a voice so tender it seemed to belong to a stranger, a Rhett that had disappeared long ago, the Rhett that had once held her in his arms and consoled her when she had nightmares about fog and hunger. But the embrace also reminded her of something else. Ashley. Ashley's hug before his surprise party. There was only gentleness in these arms, no passion, no love… No love. Never love. Why was she always so unlucky with love? Rhett went on talking, but she didn't understand any of his words. All she wanted was to hear his voice, soothing and kind, and feel his arms around her, even if he didn't love her any longer.

* * *

Scarlett was dreaming, and for once there was no fog. She was lying on her bed, in her bedroom, and everything looked so normal that for a second she thought she had merely awakened. But it was sunny and warm outside when it was currently December, and that was a proof that she must be sleeping. She could hear voices coming from the window and listening more attentively; she finally distinguished Bonnie chattering excitedly and Rhett laughing good-heartedly. Both of those sounds could not possibly exist anywhere except in a dream. She looked outside and saw Rhett, dashing and young looking again, with Bonnie telling her father how she was able to jump higher on Mr. Butler. Scarlett felt incredulous because of the happiness on both their faces, and she was torn at the same time by both joy and sorrow. But Scarlett lost no time thinking about her contradictory emotions and she immediately ran downstairs, her hair flying loose on her shoulders. She yelled "Oh Rhett!" and hugged him as tight as she could, making Rhett visibly amazed by her strange behavior. After all, his wife, who hated him, had just run into the garden in a wrapper and her hair undone just to hug him for no apparent reason! 

Bonnie simply looked at Scarlett with happiness and said "Mother, I'm going to jump, watch me take this one!" And the little pony immediately started running. Scarlett's brain froze, horror replacing her euphoria. "NO!" She shrieked as loud as she possibly could. Bonnie stopped the pony hurriedly, and yelled back in panic "Mother? What's wrong?" Her eyes were wide with surprise and fear. Scarlett said nothing, but took the little girl in the blue riding habit in her arms and sobbed in her black hair.

"Scarlett? Are you awake?" Rhett questioned behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Rhett, I love you, I've always loved you, don't you understand?" Scarlett answered. She mumbled incoherently, Bonnie's soft body was slipping away, Rhett's hand was gone, and she finally woke up. It was only then that she realized that Rhett, the real one, the one that hated her, was sitting in her bedroom, and he was the one who had asked the question in her dream. Mammy immediately asked anxiously "How d'ya feel, honey? Are ya better? Are ya… d'ya ree'con'gnize yo' ole Mammy mah chile?"

Scarlett completely ignored Mammy and looked straight at her husband. "Rhett?" She whispered. So softly that Rhett and Mammy had to move closer to her bed to hear better. "Rhett, is Bonnie still dead?" There was childish hope in her face. When she heard this, Mammy couldn't keep herself from sobbing and walked out of the room saying "She gone mad! Miss Scarlett's gone plumb mad! Oh, Gawd!"

Rhett fixed her face, his features more blank and unreadable than ever, and said surprisingly calmly "She is dead Scarlett. Bonnie is still dead. Don't you remember?" For Scarlett, her daughter had just died a second time.

For the following week, she was quite absent. No one was allowed to say the words horse, pneumonia, and divorce in front of her, or she would cry. She stayed in her bedroom because Mammy wouldn't let her out, and Rhett sometimes sat with her, even though they were supposed to be divorced soon. He listened to her talking to thin air, about Ella, and Bonnie, and everyone in her past. Wade would sneak in a few times a day, and she would tell him the story of her life, just like she did when Ella was alive. She completely ignored Rhett at those moments, and talked only to Wade and Ella, wherever she was. She knew her two little girls were probably together, and they were probably listening, in their far away heaven. If only she wouldn't go to hell! She could see her daughters again, then. Or maybe there was no heaven or hell. Maybe God did not exist, and her two daughters were gone forever, to some place no one had ever heard of. She didn't like this thought. She wanted Melanie to be happy and well, up there on her comfortable piece of cloud with her mother, and father, and M. Wilkes, and Charlie… the list was interminable.

She often seemed to be talking to herself when she was in fact speaking to dead persons. She must look very silly! Well, it didn't matter. The only one who knew she sometimes talked to the wall in front of her was Rhett, and he didn't count, as usual. He'd probably be even happier to divorce her since she'd turned out to be crazy. If only she could go back to Tara, at least. But both Rhett and Mammy had agreed that she was in no condition for traveling.

Wade was quite glad that his mother had allowed him to go to Harvard, even though she was recently acting a little strangely. He had promised Aunt Melly that he would study there, and become a great lawyer, and he would defend people who were being oppressed. He wasn't quite sure what oppressed meant, but he knew he would do something noble, and after all, it was Aunt Melly who had told him to do so. He wanted to be as noble as his father and Uncle Rhett, who had fought so valiantly in the war, and though he was not sure what a lawyer was either, he knew that Uncle Henry was one, and that was all he needed to know. What his mother must have felt about the matter did not cross his mind until years later.

Oh, if only she had died, Scarlett sighed. At least she wouldn't have to think too much after death. And quite frankly, she'd rather be dead than divorced. If only Rhett hadn't pulled her out of the train's path… If only… She'd be more at peace than now, she knew it. Regret and guilt were as bad as each other, and in hell, she'd be punished. It might lessen the guilt. And if hell didn't exist, well…

Maybe she wasn't meant to die like this, she suddenly thought one morning. Maybe she was supposed to die some place else, some time else. And… She laughed out loud and made Rhett jump. Of course, she couldn't die because of a train! That wasn't worthy of her! That wasn't how she should die, no, not Scarlett O'Hara! It was all so clear now. She understood her fate.

She turned to Rhett. Incredibly, she was smiling. "Tell me Rhett, where should I be buried when I die? Do you think it would be better in Atlanta next to Ella and Bonnie or in Tara with my parents?"

"What a question, Scarlett! What suddenly made you think of that?"

"Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler! My, how will it fit on the tombstone? Do you think we'll have to leave out some names?" She laughed again. "I hope you won't write any of this Latin gibberish, you know I don't understand Latin." Her eyes were merry, without the absent look that had plagued her face since Ella's funeral and the incident at the train station. Mammy called it " Whut Mist' O'Hara's face affer Miss Ellen done died looked lak" and was sure that the oldest of Miss Ellen's daughter had gone completely berserk, like her pa before her. Maybe it was a family thing. It was hard to believe that someone like Miss Scarlett would ever turn insane, stubborn and strong like she was, but Mr. O'Hara was not the kind of man you'd think would go senile too, and yet he did… The Yankees couldn't lick them. But the loss of the one they loved the most was too much for them to bear. God, Scarlett was even more similar to her father than anyone had thought.

But Rhett, of course, had not seen Mr. O'Hara after Mrs. O'Hara's death. He couldn't understand. So he never could have predicted what would happen. After all, even Mammy didn't.

"Mist' Rhett! Mist' Rhett! Miss Scarlett's done gone!" Mammy yelled, one afternoon.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Rhett was just about to check on her. She had been so oddly happy those past few days. Yesterday she had told him that she loved him, that she always would, and that she hoped he wouldn't forget her too quickly after she was gone from his life. Surprisingly, she had not cried at the thought of divorcing him. He had wondered whether it meant Scarlett was better or worse. She was worse.

"Ah din' t'ink she'd run away lak dat! Oh, Gawd, w'ere'd she go?"

"She ran away?" His face grew dark.

"An' she done took a ho'se too! Mist' Rhett, we have ter look fo Miss Scarlett! Whut ef sumpin' bad happen ter her? Lawd, how're we gonna fine her? She could be anyw'ere!"

"Scarlett took a horse? How could you let her do that? You know she's sick!" He yelled.

"Ah din'…" Mammy tried to say, but Rhett was already running down the stairs.

"Mist' Rhett? W'ere are ya goin'?"

"Tara." He simply replied.

Tara. Of course. Mammy could have slapped herself. It was so obvious! How come she didn't think of it?

"D'you…" She started again, following Rhett, but he interrupted her again. "Mammy, stay here. Look after Wade. Try to explain what's going on."

Mammy nodded and warily climbed up the stairs again, a feeling of dread clutching her heart. She wished Captain Butler would find Scarlett in time. She wished nothing would happen to Scarlett.

* * *

Scarlett sat on the exhausted horse, the cold wind sweeping her tangled black curls over her pale face. She was unexplainably happy. The tall pine trees seemed like old friends, and the white silhouette of Tara made her heart swell with joy. She was home. Even if Tara wasn't hers anymore, even if Tara didn't need her anymore, it was home. Suellen didn't matter. After all, she had hated Tara. Will, though, would probably understand her. He always understood, and he never thought less of her, whatever she did. For a second, she almost regretted not being able to say goodbye to him. She had said goodbye to Wade, and Rhett, and Mammy yesterday, but they hadn't realized what she meant. It was better this way. She didn't want them to realize yet.

She wished she could see Rhett, just one last time. It would be her last wish. She wished he would kiss her, or even just speak to her so she could listen to his voice before it was too late. But it was too late already. She sighed. With the kind of life she had led, it was dubious that God would ever grant her this wish. But she didn't regret it too much.

Rhett finally arrived at Tara, after asking directions along the way. The horse was tired, since it had galloped all the way from Atlanta, but Rhett was in frenzy. What if Scarlett wasn't at Tara? He didn't think his mount could make it back. Only then did he see Scarlett sitting on a horse, unmoving, and looking at him with astonishment. Her skin was ghostly white, her black dress making her face seem even paler, and her smile was warm but strangely unearthly in this gloomy weather. Her soft black curls, whipping the air from the wind's chilly blows, gave her an eerie appearance. But her green eyes were sparkling and more alive than they had ever been for almost a year.

"Scarlett! What on Earth made you run to Tara all by yourself?"

"I love you." She simply replied, almost instinctively. Rhett was here! He was in Tara! For once, God had been kind.

"I know you do, but it's not a reason for acting so foolishly! Aren't you cold? Get off the horse, Scarlett." Seeing Scarlett sitting on a horse when a few days ago she had cried when anyone uttered this word was unsettling. Moreover, Scarlett reminded him of Bonnie, and it made him even more uneasy.

Scarlett smiled, showing her pretty dimples. She felt as though she hadn't shown her dimples in an eternity. She did not climb down the horse.

"You came, Rhett, I can't believe it! I'm so happy. I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"I…" How was he supposed to tell her that he had thought she would… No. He refused to even think of it.

"Do you know how to sing 'Peg in a Low-backed Car' Rhett?" She said, ignoring how uncomfortable her husband felt.

"What?" He asked. What did this question have to do with anything?

"Oh nothing. Forget about it. It was just something my father used to sing." She looked at the barrier again.

"Scarlett, let's go inside, it's dreadfully cold and I wouldn't want you to get sick." He noticed how much she shivered.

"I hope you'll remember me once in a while in the future. I know you don't want to care about me anymore and that I would only bring back a lot of painful memories, but it would be nice if I wasn't completely forgotten." She replied.

"Remember you? You know you're the last person I'll ever forget. Now let's go inside the house, my dear."

"I thought about it, and this is most likely the best way to solve our problems, Rhett." She turned the horse around and made it face the fence.

"Scarlett, don't do this." His voice was low. Quiet.

"You want to get rid of me, don't you? You said so, I'm sure I remember you did. Well I'll never annoy you anymore. Doesn't it make you glad? And God will be happy since I'll receive my just punishment. Mammy… Well, at least I won't be any trouble for her, and she won't have to tire herself as much. She's so old now. And, and would you please find Wade a good school, Rhett?"

"Scarlett, I never said I wanted you to die!" He suddenly yelled.

"You said you'd do anything to get rid of me."

"But not that I wanted you to commit suicide!"

"Too late now. A divorce and a death are quite similar to me anyway. And it's not like you suddenly started loving me again, so there is no reason for you to dislike my choice."

"Well, no, but I…" He was unable to explain what he felt.

"Why do you care? If you divorce me you'll never see me again and the result will be the same. And I want to die. I'll be happy." She beamed. "I'm not doing it to hurt you Rhett. You'll probably be very happy too in a few years, when you realize how right I am, and how much happier you are this way, with me dead and completely out of your way."

"How much happier? Are you crazy? Scarlett please, don't do it, I beg you! No one wants your death, and you know it. Bonnie and Ella are enough already."

"Well I want to die. I'll be selfish to the end, then."

"Scarlett, it's not because I don't love you anymore that… I just… You know you are an enormous part of my life, and I won't be able to forgive myself if you die because of what I said to you when I was drunk."

"So you don't want me to die because you don't want to feel guilty?"

"Scarlett, for God's sake, I can care about your life without being in love with you can't I? We could simply be friends."

"No thank you."

"What can I do to make you listen to me?"

"Nothing."

"Scarlett!" He shouted, despair creeping into his voice "I don't want to watch you die knowing it's my fault! And what will I say to Wade and Mammy? We'll all be devastated without you. Please Scarlett, don't do it, you'll…"

"Honestly Rhett," she said lightly, "I don't give a damn anymore." Rhett looked as though he had been slapped. The last blow had been unexpected.

"My father died jumping this fence, in case you didn't know already." Scarlett continued. "He broke his neck. Just like Bonnie. And me."

Without warning, Scarlett hammered a heel into the horse's side, and the animal ran towards the fence, though it was already worn-out from its long trip.

"Rhett, watch me take this one!" She cried.

She came on with a rush, her black curls jerking, her green eyes blazing. The horse attempted to jump but did not make it. There was a fearful sound of splintering wood, a hoarse cry from Rhett, a melee of black crepe and flying hooves on the ground. Then Scarlett died, her neck broken.

* * *

**I'm sorry the last chapter turns out to be the cruelest one. But I never said my story was happy ending, did I? You can flame at will, since I killed Scarlett. **


	11. Epilogue

**Since you guys wanted an epilogue, I wrote one. It is kind of late, I know. I apologize. It was so long I had to edit out a big chunk of it. And yet it's still too long, argh! Maybe I should have cut more of the Rhett-wallows-in self-pity part. Oh, and sorry people who were surprised by the depressing ending. I didn't really think you guys would be that surprised (I _am_ a negative, depressing person). And a nice fluffy ending would have been inadequate, considering how depressing the fic is.**

**And Scarlett's death was planned before I even started writing the beginning, so letting her live would have ruined the whole thing.**

* * *

How long had it been since Scarlett's death? Rhett couldn't remember anymore. It had happened years ago, incredibly long ago. She had been buried a week before Christmas, he at least knew that, but the specific year… He simply couldn't remember, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to. What he did remember, was her cold and limp body in his arms. Her dimples, her red lips, her green eyes full of life that looked like a cat's, gleaming entrancingly in the dark. He thought about her tiny waist, her little callused hands in his big tanned ones, her terrible temper and selfishness, and her pain. He had knowingly caused her most of the pain. Why? Why did he torture the only woman he had ever loved? For revenge? Or had he simply wanted to get rid of her? He simply didn't know anymore. What he did know, was that she had loved him, he had loved her, and if they only had loved each other at the same time, Scarlett never would have died, and they might even have lived happily together. If Scarlett hadn't died, he wouldn't feel so guilty. Wade wouldn't be an orphan, and he was quite sure Mammy would not have died so early either. Scarlett was right. Even in her death she was selfish to the end.

At least Scarlett was finally happy, wherever she was. Good for her.

Rhett had to admit to himself that he missed her. Ever since she had died, he remembered her better and better, with more and more detail, and she was gradually blotting out all other thoughts. He had once wanted to leave her, never see her again, and slowly forget her. Now he realized this wish was foolish. Forgetting her was impossible. It would most likely take him more than the rest of his life to be finally free from her memory, and he was sure he would _never_ get rid of the guilt. He was so tired. Guilt and regret had gnawed his mind for so many years that he had become used to both of them by now. But though time had made him more accustomed to painful recollections, it had not made his memories any less disagreeable yet.

Maybe, after roughly ten years of thinking about his dead wife almost constantly, he had fallen in love with her all over again. Maybe, after seeing her coffin lowered into the ground with Wade hiccoughing next to him and mammy bawling loudly, after drinking until he was wasted every occasion he had and still not being able to forget her visage, after guilt, regret, sorrow, obsession, and even hatred, Scarlett had managed to bewitch him again. Even though she was no more than a corpse, she had gotten him back in her grasp like she had hoped to, except that it was a little too late to be of any benefice for her. Sometimes Rhett thought that the reason their relationship failed was just bad timing, irony, and horrible luck. Still, he was not sure what he felt for Scarlett was really rekindled love, or just a mixture of regret, drunkenness, and anger at himself that left him with a bizarre obsession.

Nonetheless, he was standing in the Oakland Cemetery, looking at Scarlett's grave, on the umpteenth birthday of her death. The place was completely deserted; people were scared of coming out in such cold weather. He had decided to bury her in Atlanta instead of Tara, for a number of reasons. First of all, Scarlett could be with her daughters. Somehow it made sense for him to bury her with her dead children. But the real reason was that he wanted to be buried with Scarlett too, and if she was buried in Tara… He still didn't know if he had made the right decision.

More had come to her funeral than he had expected. There were Will Benteen, Suellen, and Careen, some families from Scarlett's county that Rhett didn't remember and would never meet again like the Tarletons and the Fontaines, Rhett's own mother, who regretted not being able to know her eldest son's wife better, Dr. Meade and Mrs. Meade who tried to look sorrowful even though they had had contempt for the late Mrs. Butler, M. Meriwether, who ignored his daughter-in-law's disapproval and attended to keep Henry some company, every single man in the Klan that Rhett had saved had come with their wives following them more or less grudgingly, a few of Melanie's old friends had come only for Mrs. Wilkes' sake, and even Beau and Ashley had ignored India's wrath and stood next to the grave weeping quietly. Of course, India did not attend, but Scarlett probably would have been mad if she had come. Rhett, who would have been exceedingly enraged by Ashley's appearance once, didn't care about Ashley at that moment.

Somehow her names had all managed to fit on her tombstone, and there was no Latin. Rhett had made sure of it.

He wondered how Wade was doing. He hadn't seen the boy since years ago, when he had graduated from Harvard. Who knew where he was? Maybe he was married by now. Maybe he didn't even live in America anymore. He wasn't too worried about his step-son, surely Wade was able to take care of himself. He closed his eyes and remembered the little boy, crying for his mother on his lap. "Uncle Rhett, Mother can't be dead! It's impossible! Mother wouldn't die! Mother isn't that kind of person, she was healthy, and she didn't have pneumonia! Why? How could that happen?" "She fell off a horse, Wade." "Why is everyone falling off horses? Why's everyone dead because of horses? I hate horses!" "I don't know why they're all falling down horses. Maybe Scarlett just wants to punish me." "Punish you? What d'you mean?" "Your mother wants to punish me because of the divorce." "The divorce? Are you and Mother still going to…?" "There's no point in a divorce if the wife is dead. Divorces can all go to hell, now. It's because of them she died in the first place. Because of me." Wade had looked at him with shock, obviously not understanding anything of what Uncle Rhett had told him. Rhett took another swig from his bottle of brandy and ignored his questioning gaze.

"Sir?" Asked someone behind Rhett's back, making Rhett snap out of his bitter thoughts. Rhett had not even heard the young man's footsteps, so lost he had been in his memories.

"Good day, Sir." replied Rhett. "Do I know you?"

He gazed more attentively at the man, and strangely there was something familiar about those brown locks and big kind eyes. Something that reminded him of… Of Charles Hamilton.

"Wade." Rhett whispered.

Wade's eyes widened. "UNCLE RHE…! I - I mean Captain Butler. May I ask what you are doing here?" Wade's expression went from total surprise to icy formalness.

"I'm visiting your mother and your sisters." With a last glance at Scarlett's tombstone he took a few steps towards Ella's grave, but he could feel Wade's silent and unexplainable anger behind his back. He would probably have hugged the young man with joy if he hadn't turned cold and angry so quickly. It was the same quiet, Hamiltonian anger that Melanie had felt for everyone who dared to criticize her beloved Scarlett. Why did everyone in the family love Scarlett so? Except India of course, she was the only one with a bit of sense. "And what are you doing here Wade?" He asked casually, as he gazed at the small grave and swiftly remembered Ella's coughing, her wheezing breath, and her slow, quiet death. He sighed. Poor forgotten Ella.

"It's the anniversary of Mother's death. I had to come." Wade said. "But I was wondering, sir, why this is the only time in thirteen years when you ever came back to Atlanta and paid your respects to your loved ones."

"Thirteen?" He repeated softly. How old was Wade now? Twenty-four years old? "Has it really been that long, Wade?"

"Oh yes. It's been that long. You decided to dump me in boarding school and ignore anything that had the slightest bit to do with my Mother. In five years, I only saw you twice. You never replied to my letters. And then when I graduated, you completely disappeared from my life. I actually felt worried about you, not seeing you for such a long time and all, but you are completely fine and I'm guessing that you simply didn't want to waste your precious time on me."

"You didn't want me to waste time on you either." Rhett groaned. He walked towards Bonnie's grave. Lovely, darling Bonnie. Half of him was laying there with her. Rhett kept his voice calm. "How have you been doing these past few years, my boy? Not too bad, I hope. You don't look destitute, so I take it that your job as a lawyer has paid off. Maybe your Aunt Melly had a good idea, despite what your mother thought about the subject. Are you married yet? You sure look old enough to settle down." Rhett lit a cigar. The smoke curled lazily in the shivery air.

"Oh, I'm not married. I'll never get married if I can help it."

"Why is that? Are women too silly and annoying for your liking, or did you simply decide naively to wait for the right girl to cross your path and live happily ever after?"

"I don't want to marry. If I do, my marriage might end like my Mother's did." Wade replied with anger and loathing. Rhett had no idea Wade's voice could be so full of venom. "If I marry, I don't want to destroy the woman I marry or ask her to divorce me, and I want to love her, not hate her. I could never marry a woman without thinking about the pain she might cause me, or I might cause her. Having children isn't worth having my heart broken."

"Don't talk about things you don't understand Wade. I used to love your mother. At the beginning of the marriage, at least. In the end, it… deteriorated. You were only eleven when she died, you couldn't possibly know what was happening."

Something in Wade suddenly snapped. Rage flooded his face and he blushed violently. "So you remember my age when my mother died?!" He shouted, his voice echoing loudly in the empty and peaceful cemetery. "You remember that I was too small to matter to you at the time, but you don't remember how many years ago she died? You did not visit Mother's grave until NOW? You neglect me for more than a decade? You could have written to me, at least!" He stopped and panted. "You KILLED MOTHER! The divorce you wanted so badly made her go crazy! I'm sure of it! Why were you so cruel so shortly after Ella's death? Who would divorce their wife after their daughter just died? If you didn't love her, why marry her in the first place? Just to torture her? To torment her? You broke her, she went crazy because of you, and that's why she ran away to Tara on a horse that day, and that's why she had that terrible accident and…"

"Wade, if you don't shut your mouth immediately I'll most likely shoot you." There was a low, dangerous note in Rhett's voice, yet his face was as blank as usual. "And I'm sure we both don't want that." Wade reluctantly stayed quiet.

"I loved your mother, my boy. She is the one who hated me." Wade was about to protest when Rhett threw him a glare that meant "Don't you dare interrupt me." Wade relapsed into silence.

"After Bonnie died, I no longer loved Scarlett, as you pointed out so rudely. But when Melanie died, your Mother unexplainably fell in love with me, when I admit I had expected her to throw herself at Ashley. I know it doesn't sounds particularly believable, but it is the truth. She thought we could start over and be happy, I didn't. So I went away from Atlanta to flee from her. But Ella became ill, and so I obviously had to come back to this wretched place. I didn't come just to torment her or to argue with her about the divorce. I may have acted dishonorably towards your mother at the end, but she was no angel either, as I'm sure you know already. When Bonnie died, she accused me of killing her, and apparently everything that ever went wrong between us was my fault. Only later did she feel any regret for her words." He chuckled sadly. "And she was right. Everything was my fault. Even her death was my fault, I don't deny it. But Scarlett wanted to die, and in a way she deserved to, I suppose. Judging by your face, I assume that what I just said did not make any kind of sense to you, Wade."

Wade took the opportunity to resume his accusing. "How can you say this? She didn't deserve to die! She did bad things, of course, but she was my mother and we all loved her! You are lying to me because you need a good reason to defend yourself, and you don't actually have any."

"I'd like to know if your fondness for your mother was reciprocal. As far as I can tell, she was never an excellent mother. Or did she develop some of Mrs. Wilkes' maternal instincts during my absence?"

"No, of course not. But she did try hard to be nice to us, and not to snap at us even when Beau, Ella, and me were driving her mad. And she gave Ella piano lessons! You know she had no patience, and yet she taught Ella how to sing when Ella had the worst memory I've ever heard of. Even if she wasn't a perfect mother, she was as good as she could be, and that's why I won't let you insult her like you did."

"I did not insult her."

"You insult her by forgetting her! You insult her by forgetting these graves for thirteen years! You insult her by tarnishing her memory when you are the one who acted like a cad!"

"Who said I was tarnishing her memory? What I said was the truth, even Scarlett would probably admit it. And God knows I didn't forget her. I've never forgotten her from the moment I met her at Twelve Oaks. And I have been thinking of her constantly since her death."

"Why didn't you visit her then? You never came back to Atlanta since her burial! If I could come back to Atlanta all the way from Cambridge every Christmas break just to see her on this very day, you should have done so too! Hell, I still come every year from Montgomery just to be able to see these tombstones. So you have no excuse for…"

"You live in Montgomery? In Alabama?"

"Yes. What did you expect? Did you think I would stay in this city when there are so many painful memories still lingering…"

They both looked at the tombs for a long, quiet moment. There were no sounds in the quickly darkening graveyard except the quiet howling of the wind and their own soft breathing.

Rhett smiled sadly and broke the silence. "You know, Scarlett would probably think we are being incredibly silly arguing about her like we just did." Wade did not reply.

"I wanted to come back, Wade. To be frank, I've been meaning to come back for a long time, but I didn't want… at the same time, I didn't want to. If I didn't see her grave, I might forget her and my guilt. And I sure wanted to forget her. But Scarlett wouldn't let me go, you know how she is. I've tried to forget her for a long time, but I just can't escape her."

"Well I think you're a coward. I can't see why anyone would be afraid of a dead body."

"For goodness' sake, will you stop it? I'm tired of bickering with my step-son about my dead wife. Frankly Wade, I'd rather stay in your good graces. God knows I lost enough loved ones already, and even though I'm nothing but your step-father who neglected you and an old blackguard who killed your mother, I was quite fond of my wife's children. In case you didn't notice, I paid for your studies. It's better than the orphanage."

"But you are the reason my Mother died!"

"Well, if you put it that way, then Ella killed Scarlett too. Bonnie killed Scarlett too. Ashley and Beau killed Scarlett too. We all killed her, even you. Do you think she would ever have committed suicide if she hadn't known your future was assured? If you had refused to go to boarding school and Harvard, she would have stayed alive just for your sake."

Wade stayed silent for a long, quiet moment. Then he whispered "So she did kill herself. I thought she might have, with the train and everything. You never really answered me properly when I asked you about the subject Uncle… Captain Butler, I mean. All you said was that she had fallen off a horse. You never even told me where it happened. I remember I even had to ask Mammy for the location."

"Why are you surprised? It's only the last of a long list of sins she commited during her saintly life. And what was I supposed to tell you? 'Wade, your mother killed herself.'? You were only a kid."

"You could have told me later."

"I didn't see you later. And I was sure you didn't want to see me."

"Who the hell told you that?"

"You didn't seem particularly pleased to see me when I visited you. So I stopped visiting altogether."

"And I was angry at you BECAUSE you didn't visit!"

Rhett laughed. "We misunderstood each other, didn't we Wade? At least it's not too late to make it up. If you still want to make up, that is. Hopefully, you don't despise me quite as much now that we finally cleared a few things up."

"Cleared a few things up? Mother commited suicide because of you." Wade said grudgingly.

Rhett studied Wade's face for a moment. "I do feel guilty Wade." He finally admitted. "I feel terribly guilty about Scarlett, and I actually miss her, believe it or not. I also miss Bonnie, Ella and you. No one in this world knows me or understands me anymore and I'm tired of being constantly surrounded by strangers who know me as either the black sheep in the Butler family and an old Scallywag, or as a wealthy business associate." Rhett wanted to love again. He wanted to be loved, and to have a life with meaning. He would rather shoot himself in the foot than admit it, but he couldn't bear the endless loneliness that had slowly transformed his life into morose boredom. Yet, he couldn't find anyone worthy of his love either. There was only one Scarlett, and even if he _was_ falling in love with her again (which he still doubted), she was dead and he was even more lonely because of it. But maybe Wade, whom he had almost considered like his own son, would finally give him something to live for.

Wade said nothing, though he knew that the young man's anger was now leaving him. He was forgiving Rhett.

Rhett looked once more at the three graves. When he grew old, he definitely wanted to be buried there, with them. He had to remember to tell that to his son.

"Shall we go Wade? Personally I already stood here for quite some time. I would gladly welcome some warmth. Where are you staying?"

"At Aunt Pitty's house."

"How is she? I almost visited her yesterday, but she most likely forgot who I am. If you don't mind I'd like to accompany you."He had called on Belle Watling instead of Pittypat, but Wade didn't need to know that. Belle had caught syphilis, and he was worried about her health.

"I don't think I mind." Wade shrugged. "We have a lot of conversation to catch up on, and I a cemetery does seem like an incongruous place for having a chat. Don't mention Uncle Henry to Aunt Pittypat, though. He died five years ago and the poor old lady is still not over his death. She swoons as soon as anyone mutters his name." Both men started walking towards the gate.

"Everyone's dying apparently. How's Ashley Wilkes, is he dead too?" Rhett asked almost hopefully.

"No. He's not dead. He went bankrupt and lost the mills, but he managed to get a job as a teacher."

"How unfortunate. He is the only person I wouldn't mind seeing dead, but he's just about the only one still alive for some reason. And Beau? How's the boy?"

"Oh, he's great." Wade smiled for the first time. "He wrote a letter to me announcing his upcoming marriage. His fiancée is one of his many pretty cousins in Virginia. Love at first sight, or so he says. Everything has been going fine for Beau since Aunt India moved to Macon with Aunt Honey. The poor woman couldn't stand living in Atlanta anymore. He even went to university, though God knows how Uncle Ashley could afford it. When I asked Beau about it, he said that they received an anonymous letter full of money and that the contents were largely enough for his school fees. I have trouble believing that though. He was probably simply making fun of me." Wade thought that Ashley had somehow saved enough money for Beau's scholarship even though his current salary was quite meager. But then, why did Beau make up some crazy story about an unsigned letter with cash in it?

Rhett looked amused. "Who knows, maybe he's telling the truth. Remember how Ashley received money out of the blue and bought the mills from Scarlett? Maybe the same person sent money for Beau."

"Maybe. But how in the world did the person know Uncle Ashley needed money?" Wade mused. "Well, never mind that. Whoever it is, this person sure is awfully generous."

"Thank you, Wade."

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing." Rhett chuckled softly.

* * *

"What happened to the mansion Wade? Did you sell it?" 

"Yes, I sold it."

"Good for you. That dreadful place isn't worth keeping."

They were sitting in Miss Pitty's parlor, talking quietly next to a bottle of brandy. Beau had joined them, bringing cheerful talk about his approaching marriage.

"Sometimes I wonder if it was a good choice. I got rid of so many memories when I sold the house… I kept some things though. Like the piano. It is at the Wilkes' now."

"There was plenty of space," Beau chipped in. "Aunt India moved to Macon because I was such an ungrateful child, and I haven't seen her since, good riddance. The house was even more empty after I moved out, and Father talked about living somewhere smaller. But he never did, probably because of my mother's memory."

"It sounds just like him. And what about where you boys live? Do you like Alabama Wade?"

"It isn't too bad. Montgomery is one of these old cities proud of their long historical background. I like it better than staying in Atlanta at least. And how is Charleston?"

"It hasn't changed much. Everyone hates me, even after such a long time. My reputation is forever tarnished by my treachery during the war, as you know. I don't go to Charleston very often anymore." What was the point of going to Charleston after his mother had died? The only reason he still visited from time to time was Rosemary.

"You deserve it." Wade replied. Beau looked at Wade with indignation, but Rhett laughed. "You know you remind me more and more of your mother. It's the kind of thing she would have said."

The three men talked until late into the night, and Rhett felt happy for the first time in years.

* * *

When Rhett Butler died thirteen years later, he was buried in Atlanta next to his wife and daughters. He lies there to this day.

* * *

**Thank you for sticking with this story for so long, guys. Even those of you who hated it, or didn't actually read all of it. I apreciate it. I'll write another "happier" story later when I have time, since I promised Missysammy, though I regret it already. I don't exactly know when I'll start writing it. Aproximatively somewhere between tomorrow and the next five years, I'm guessing. But I do know that it's going to be a what-if, and that Scarlett will be more in character than in this fic. **

**Again, thank you everyone! (I finally finished a fic, for real. Wow. Am I supposed to feel incredibly proud of myself?? Or just very tired? Or relieved?)**


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